source
Everyone gets angry with their kids at some time or another - it’s normal - it’s healthy - it’s a fact of life. Kids know just what buttons to push and they push them! Supernanny expert Sue Atkins gives her tips on how to positively channel that anger, so that you and your family come out unscathed.
source
As a parent and as a professional parent coach, I think it helps to accept that anger is an honest emotion. It’s what you choose to do with your anger that’s important.
If you don’t express your anger and you suppress it, it can lead to frustration, resentment, bitterness, a sense of hopelessness and depression, none of which are good things for you or your children long term.
Resentment builds walls between you and your children.
So, how do you handle your anger and release your temper healthily?
Well, one way is to press your internal and imaginary “pause button” like the one on your DVD and ask yourself “What exactly am I annoyed about?” This helps you step back from the situation that you find yourself in - immediately distancing you and getting you back in control and helping to calm you down.
You will probably discover that you get wound up by the same things over and over again and this is a great opportunity to ask yourself another empowering question, “what would I like to see happen in a perfect world?” as this helps you start focusing on a new solution to your frustration. Relax and start to breathe slowly and deeply as this too takes the edge out of the anger and get very, very specific about what it is you want to see happen - this gives you clarity and direction and helps you pass this on to your children who don’t often understand what exactly it is you want them to do.
Also ask yourself “Is my attitude moving me closer to or further away from the relationship I want with my children long term?” This question takes you immediately out of the mundane and humdrum into the bigger picture to your parenting. It immediately changes your perspective which is extremely powerful and helpful.
Another positive step to take is to talk openly and honestly to your child about how you are feeling and to release your pent up emotion - you can say something like:
“I’m tired telling you this over and over again because I feel……”
“I’m angry with you because …..”
“I’m hurt because you did…..”
This teaches your child about empathy and immediately takes the emotional charge out of your own energy and frustration.
If you feel like screaming and shouting at your kids, then your own anger has been building up for a long time.
A helpful strategy to explore is talking to a mirror. Get a mirror and imagine talking to the other person as if they were looking at you in that mirror. Imagine them sitting calmly, attentively and in a relaxed state listening to you properly. Tell them exactly how you feel - pour out your heart - speak truthfully - explain all the frustration, anger, hurt or disappointment. You can even imagine a rainbow going between you bridging the gap of misunderstanding.
The important aspect of these different techniques is to get all your feelings out in a safe and healthy way.
Some people hit pillows, bounce on the bed, hit golf balls in the garden or go for a long hard walk round the block - I have even been known to go into a cupboard and have a good swear to myself! Do something physical to release your charged-up emotions. Don’t be reckless or dangerous to yourself or your child. Just step back, breathe deeply and slowly and find what suits you and experiment with it - you can even make yourself laugh after you look or sound ridiculous - which is great way to change your state too.
Don’t be afraid to let your anger take its natural course - there’s no need to feel guilt and shame because your thoughts are your feelings in action or motion. That’s why some people describe them as e-motion.
Your anger can be a really positive opportunity to serve a purpose to find out what’s really bothering you deep down. Just stop and ask yourself “What am I so angry about?” You will get clarity from asking that question which will help you identify what you’d like to change. It’s usually something small that can make a big difference in your life and help you move forward - not stay stuck.
Once you’ve expressed your anger about the behaviour that you don’t like in your child, never use a personal vitriolic attack as it damages your child’s self esteem, do your best to forgive your child and to forgive yourself - have a hug, say sorry and move on to learn the lesson from the experience.
Maybe you’re a person who’s been angry for a long time or a major part of your life. I call this “habitual anger” because you’ve got used to behaving in this way so it’s become a habit.
Habitual anger is trying to tell you something - ask yourself some better questions - questions that empower you and give you an insight into yourself:
• Why am I choosing to be angry all the time?
• What am I doing to create these situations time and time again?
• What is it that’s making me angry?
• Who am I really angry at?
• What do I believe about my life that causes all these frustrations?
• Is this the only way I can react to life?
• What could I do differently?
• How could I feel more in control of my life?
Habitual anger is not good for your body as it creates stress, tension and illness. So it’s really a great relief when you start to understand what’s causing it and start to make some small changes to help you feel more in control of your life generally. It’s recognising that by asking yourself better questions you can start to find some new answers.
Many women and particularly mums have been taught that to be angry was something bad and unacceptable and that to lose your temper meant you were a “Bad Person” or a “Bad Parent.” So, many Mums have learnt to feel guilty and to swallow their anger rather than express it healthily.
This is an unhealthy way to handle your anger as it can turn inwards and make you feel unhappy, helpless, stuck, depressed and generally out of control of your life. So acknowledge that it’s perfectly normal to lose your temper sometimes and find a strategy or technique that suits you to release it safely.
I also show the parents I work with a tapping technique based on Thought Field Therapy that knocks out the anger helping you feel calmer and back in control. It’s what you’ve probably seen Paul McKenna doing on TV.T
The Tapping Technique:
• It’s important throughout the tapping sequence to focus on what’s making you really angry.
• On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the most angry 1 the least) rate how you feel.
• Take the two fingers on your right hand and tap your little finger on your opposite hand firmly about 5 times just inside the tip of your finger.
• Then tap about an inch to the left of your collar bone where you’d do up a tie, firmly about 5 times.
• Now tap the back of your hand between your ring finger and your little finger in the fleshy part between them constantly as you focus on your anger.
• Keep tapping this point while you:
• Open your eyes
• Close your eyes
• Open your eyes and keep your head still but look down to the left
• Open your eyes and keep your head still but look down to the right
• Whirl your eyes round in a circle in one direction
• Whirl your eyes round in a circle in the other direction
• Hum a few bars of “Happy Birthday” out loud
• Count out loud from 1-5
• Hum a few bars of “Happy Birthday” out loud again
• Tap your little finger spot 5 times again
• Tap your collarbone spot again
• And now rate your anger
Your anger may be gone completely or may feel like just a rating of 1. If that’s the case keep your head still and move your eyes from the floor to the ceiling and back down again and relax.
Thought Field Therapy or “tapping” is the new therapy for the 21st century as it’s fast. You may feel a bit weird doing it the first few times you try it but hey, if it works who cares! You can even teach it to your kids.
You are a role model for your children in everything that you do so teach them how to handle anger and frustration healthily and talk about it with them. What better gift can you give your children?
Sue Atkins
Supernanny Expert
source
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
how to deal with a very angry child or teens
Anger is a powerful emotion and it can be quite alarming to see your child in the throes of rage. However, remember that it’s completely normal and acceptable for children to feel angry from time to time. Supernanny expert Dr Victoria Samuel gives some tips for how to deal with a very angry child.
source
Anger often relates to a child feeling misunderstood, falsely accused, unfairly treated or insecure. It’s common for anger to conceal other more vulnerable feelings, and angry outbursts often reflect more than just what has happened in the immediate situation. The analogy of a volcano captures the way in which difficult feelings (frustration, hurt and injustice) can build up inside over time, with pressure accumulating to the point that a minor annoyance can easily trigger your child to ‘erupt’ and ‘blow their top’.
Tip 1: Increase Emotional Awareness
The Principle
- The more you can encourage your child to express difficult feelings, the less emotions will build up and overflow into angry explosions.
What to Do
- To be able to express emotion, children first need to be aware of their feelings. You can improve your child’s ‘emotional literacy’ by beginning to increase the amount you talk about anger and other feelings.
- As frequently as possible try to refer to your own and other people’s feelings and guess at, reflect back & question your child’s feelings:
“That man on TV looks annoyed”
“Your sister is ‘stupid’? I wonder if you’re feeling cross that she interrupted our special time together”
Tip 2: Stay Calm
The Principle
- Children are like barometers for the emotional climate around them: if you’re stressed, they will be too, if you’re relaxed, so will they be.
What to Do
- Schedule in relaxing time for yourself on a regular basis. If it’s difficult to get time alone, club together with other parents and set up a babysitting rota. If you get to recuperate once in a while, it will be much easier for you to respond calmly to your child’s meltdowns. Calm responses will help contain your child’s anger whilst angry ones will make your child more enraged.
Remember that the way you manage your own angry feelings will impact on how your little one deals with his.
If your child hears you hurling abuse at the driver that just cut you up, don’t be surprised if you hear a stream of insults when his sister has grabbed his favourite toy!
- If you’re feeling really wound up, don’t forget that time out is useful for adults as well. Make sure your child is safe and remove yourself for the situation. Breathe deeply and slowly and tell yourself: “keep calm!”
Tip 3: Accept Feelings and Redirect Angry Actions
The Principle
- Dismissing difficult feelings (e.g. “hey it’s not a big deal, calm down”) can be counterproductive; your child will be left simmering about both the original source of frustration as well as not being understood.
- The secret is to: i) accept and acknowledge your child’s angry feelings and ii) direct her towards an appropriate outlet for expressing her intense emotion. When feelings are accepted, your child will feel more understood, less in need of trying to convince you of their standpoint and therefore calmer. When feelings are expressed, the build of emotion inside is avoided and so explosions become less likely.
What to Do
- Identify and name the feeling that is behind your child’s rage
“Wow Jamie, that made you upset”
“You’re disappointed we have to leave now?”
- Show understanding by guessing at your child’s wishes
“You’d like it if your brother asked you before borrowing your stuff?
“Wouldn’t it be great if we could stay longer?”
- Encourage appropriate expression of feelings or problem solving
“Show me how you’re feeling by... using words / drawing a picture / hitting this cushion / ripping up this scrap paper”
“What would be a better way to solve this problem?”
Tip 4: Use Clear and Consistent Consequences To Limit Aggressive Behaviour
The Principle
- Your child needs to learn that although anger is ok, aggressive behaviour is not.
What to Do
- Get down to your child’s level and, using a calm, low but firm tone which indicates displeasure, clearly tell him what he has done wrong. Try not to shout as this suggests you have lost control.
“Katie, it is not ok to hit your brother”
- If your child stops behaving aggressively, give her lots of praise. If, however, she continues her inappropriate behaviour after you’ve given a warning, impose a clear consequence, such as the naughty step or withdrawing privileges.
If you are worried about the escalating nature of your child’s anger and nothing works over a period of weeks or months, there may be underlying issues which require professional help. Within the NHS, your GP would be your first port of call.
Dr Victoria Samuel
Supernanny Expert
source
Friday, 6 November 2009
Handling Anger Assertively
Handling Anger Assertively By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.
source
The emotion we call "anger" is a natural response to frustration, pain, loss or neediness. It may also occur out of "old habit" or imitation of an angry parent. Anger is what we label the biochemical/physiological response we experience when our wants and needs are not met, when we are blocked from pursuing our goals, when we are hurting either physically or emotionally, or when we have experienced a loss of some kind. Anger is a natural emotion and a powerful energizer.
Many, many people have problems expressing their anger. You may have been given lots of messages as a child that you were supposed to be nice, kind, and sweet all the time. Or perhaps any anger expression was not tolerated and punished in some way. Messages like, “Don't you talk back to me!” accompanied by a swat, is not only telling the child his or her angry feelings are "bad", it is punitive of the child's attempt to express the anger. It is also very confusing, because the child is being shown how the parent handles anger and at the same time told not to handle his or her anger in the same manner. So the child often learns to bottle up his or her anger in an effort to be a "good child" and avoid punishment.
Bottling up your anger, allowing it to build until you explode, or becoming your own angry critic of yourself and others, are not the most beneficial methods for handling anger. Learning how to be self-supportive and assertive with your anger are the most healthful ways to deal with your naturally-occurring emotion.
It is unnatural for everyone to remain smooth, calm, and unaffected by the frustrations, hurts and losses experienced in life. But expressing anger in a rage or "dumping" your anger on yourself or others is highly destructive to your psychological well-being.
Instead of venting your angry feelings in thermonuclear outbursts, or blocking them, thereby creating enormous internal stress, you can learn to turn your anger into a motivational tool which will give you the charge of energy you can use to take control of your own life, pursue your wants and goals more vigorously, and clarify where you stand in relation to others in your life. Using your anger for powerful assertiveness is the natural purpose for having it in the first place. Here are six suggestions for handling your anger assertively.
1. Allow yourself to acknowledge your feelings of anger. Take a deep breath and listen to yourself for a minute. Become aware of the bodily sensations your anger creates. Ask yourself, “Do I feel angry enough to let others know what I am feeling?” or “How can I use my angry energy to address the problem to which I responded with anger?” Then decide either to let the problem go...along with your anger, or use the energy to address the precipitating issue.
2. Pick an appropriate discussion time. If possible, arrange with another a suitable time to raise the issue to which you responded with anger. A sudden outburst of anger may just put others on the defensive and may be even more frustrating for you.
3. Avoid blaming, judging, and accusing others. Your blaming offensive will only breed a defensive counter attack. It also makes you feel more helpless, because blaming becomes an obstacle to problem-solving. After you cool down, the problem remains with perhaps the addition of guilt or anxiety over your own outburst.
4. Always express your anger using "I" statements about how you are feeling. Say “I am feeling really frustrated and angry right now” rather than “You and your stupidity make me feel sick (tired, angry, ticked off, or any other adjective describing your anger).”
5. Say what it is you are wanting or needing which would address the problem or your anger. Make your needs clear and very specific.
Don't ask the other person to change his or her feelings. They have a right to their feelings just as much as you have to yours. Ask directly and specifically for something that will help you feel satisfied or less angry.
6. Listen to the other's response. Allow the person you're talking to enough time to hear and respond to what you've said. Look at them when they talk. Don't interrupt or rehearse your reply while they are talking. Slow down, and take in what they are saying. Then choose how you want to respond to them. Before you respond, acknowledge that you heard what they said, even though you may not agree with what they said.
The practice of using your anger to assert yourself can result in a much more fulfilled way of functioning. It can even bring others closer to you through caring and respect. Learn to use your anger for self-support and you regain control of your feelings and your life.
about the author :
Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area presented in "Practical Psychology." As your Coach, his only agenda is to assist you in creating the lifestyle you genuinely desire. The initial coaching session is free. Contact him: (970) 568-0173 or E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.
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source
The emotion we call "anger" is a natural response to frustration, pain, loss or neediness. It may also occur out of "old habit" or imitation of an angry parent. Anger is what we label the biochemical/physiological response we experience when our wants and needs are not met, when we are blocked from pursuing our goals, when we are hurting either physically or emotionally, or when we have experienced a loss of some kind. Anger is a natural emotion and a powerful energizer.
Many, many people have problems expressing their anger. You may have been given lots of messages as a child that you were supposed to be nice, kind, and sweet all the time. Or perhaps any anger expression was not tolerated and punished in some way. Messages like, “Don't you talk back to me!” accompanied by a swat, is not only telling the child his or her angry feelings are "bad", it is punitive of the child's attempt to express the anger. It is also very confusing, because the child is being shown how the parent handles anger and at the same time told not to handle his or her anger in the same manner. So the child often learns to bottle up his or her anger in an effort to be a "good child" and avoid punishment.
Bottling up your anger, allowing it to build until you explode, or becoming your own angry critic of yourself and others, are not the most beneficial methods for handling anger. Learning how to be self-supportive and assertive with your anger are the most healthful ways to deal with your naturally-occurring emotion.
It is unnatural for everyone to remain smooth, calm, and unaffected by the frustrations, hurts and losses experienced in life. But expressing anger in a rage or "dumping" your anger on yourself or others is highly destructive to your psychological well-being.
Instead of venting your angry feelings in thermonuclear outbursts, or blocking them, thereby creating enormous internal stress, you can learn to turn your anger into a motivational tool which will give you the charge of energy you can use to take control of your own life, pursue your wants and goals more vigorously, and clarify where you stand in relation to others in your life. Using your anger for powerful assertiveness is the natural purpose for having it in the first place. Here are six suggestions for handling your anger assertively.
1. Allow yourself to acknowledge your feelings of anger. Take a deep breath and listen to yourself for a minute. Become aware of the bodily sensations your anger creates. Ask yourself, “Do I feel angry enough to let others know what I am feeling?” or “How can I use my angry energy to address the problem to which I responded with anger?” Then decide either to let the problem go...along with your anger, or use the energy to address the precipitating issue.
2. Pick an appropriate discussion time. If possible, arrange with another a suitable time to raise the issue to which you responded with anger. A sudden outburst of anger may just put others on the defensive and may be even more frustrating for you.
3. Avoid blaming, judging, and accusing others. Your blaming offensive will only breed a defensive counter attack. It also makes you feel more helpless, because blaming becomes an obstacle to problem-solving. After you cool down, the problem remains with perhaps the addition of guilt or anxiety over your own outburst.
4. Always express your anger using "I" statements about how you are feeling. Say “I am feeling really frustrated and angry right now” rather than “You and your stupidity make me feel sick (tired, angry, ticked off, or any other adjective describing your anger).”
5. Say what it is you are wanting or needing which would address the problem or your anger. Make your needs clear and very specific.
Don't ask the other person to change his or her feelings. They have a right to their feelings just as much as you have to yours. Ask directly and specifically for something that will help you feel satisfied or less angry.
6. Listen to the other's response. Allow the person you're talking to enough time to hear and respond to what you've said. Look at them when they talk. Don't interrupt or rehearse your reply while they are talking. Slow down, and take in what they are saying. Then choose how you want to respond to them. Before you respond, acknowledge that you heard what they said, even though you may not agree with what they said.
The practice of using your anger to assert yourself can result in a much more fulfilled way of functioning. It can even bring others closer to you through caring and respect. Learn to use your anger for self-support and you regain control of your feelings and your life.
about the author :
Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area presented in "Practical Psychology." As your Coach, his only agenda is to assist you in creating the lifestyle you genuinely desire. The initial coaching session is free. Contact him: (970) 568-0173 or E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.
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The Emotional Curriculum for KS3
The Emotional Curriculum for KS3
buy it here
http://www.incentiveplus.co.uk/p/409-10040/The-Emotional-Curriculum-for-KS3.html
Product Description
Focusing on many of the challenges encountered by today’s young people in both a social and educational context, this programme fulfils many of the objectives identified in the SEAL initiative.
The book contains 37 sessions for KS3, focusing on key skills including self-awareness, managing feelings, decision-making, managing stress, conflict resolution, personal responsibility, self-concept, empathy, communication and group dynamics.
It provides user friendly and engaging activities that will motivate staff and students alike. The sessions are broken down into short achievable tasks which incorporate varied learning styles, including:
• Involving discussions
• Thought storming
• Short activities
• Problem cards and problem scenarios
• Questions for discussion
• Closing evaluations/plenary.
An accompanying CD ROM includes all evaluation and activity resources. This is a vibrant, relevant and user-friendly resource, which is ideal for ensuring the social and emotional well-being of every student.
322 pages
Age: 11-14
cost £69
Anger Management book for KS3
Anger Management book for KS3
buy it here
Price: £25.00
Age Range: KS3
Size: 66 Pages
ISBN: 978 1 86025 346 1
Author(s): Julie Hough
Code: ANMA
Popularity rank: 1
Students learn how to recognise and effectively deal with their own and other people's anger. Activities introduce and develop a variety of techniques to avoid and defuse angry situations. Supportive Teachers Notes include information about external help organisations.
Topics include: Self-awareness; Anger recognition; Building self-esteem; Expressing anger; Triggers; Dealing with anger; Avoiding anger; Stress management.
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Content List
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LESSONS
7 IT'S OK TO BE ANGRY Students explore the positive aspects of anger. They devise a list of their anger rights and create contrasting scenes to demonstrate negative and positive anger.
9 FEELING ANGRY This page enables students to identify how their bodies change when they become angry. They interpret a diagram and write an explanation.
11 FEELING CALM Students describe and imitate an illustration to learn how their bodies feel when they are relaxed.
13 TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS Students increase their ability to describe their feelings through an activity based on vocabulary and mime.
15 SIGNPOSTS OF ANGER Students identify facial expressions of anger and write diary entries to explore the feelings behind these expressions.
17 TYPES OF BEHAVIOUR This page focuses on aggressive, passive and assertive behaviour. Students match characteristics and behaviour types.
19 I'M OK! Students focus on a positive self-image through devising affirmative statements about themselves and others.
21 AM I ASSERTIVE? Students complete a list of statements to find their level of assertiveness and describe situations in which they would like to behave differently.
23 'I' MESSAGES Students practise assertive techniques through making statements about their feelings.
25 ANGER TRIGGERS Students identify people and situations that trigger an angry response.
27 TURN ON YOUR TAP Students learn how to avoid trigger situations through applying the Trigger Avoidance Plan.
29 PLAN TO STAY COOL This page introduces students to a four-stage plan for anger management. They make suggestions for each stage of the process.
31 STAY COOL 1 Students learn how to re-frame their thoughts about their anger triggers by creating alternative sets of thoughts for such situations.
33 STAY COOL 2 Students learn how to reduce the likelihood of becoming angry by planning alternative strategies.
35 WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF... This page enables students to consider the consequences of losing control when they feel angry. They respond to illustrated examples and apply what they learn to their own situation.
37 THINK AGAIN
Students learn how to re-frame their responses to their anger triggers by creating defusing scenarios.
39 I'M REALLY ANGRY WITH YOU! Students learn how to talk to someone who has made them angry. They learn two key points and apply them to different situations.
41 TALKING ABOUT IT Students learn how to talk about feelings of anger through a phone-in activity.
43 POSITIVE FEELINGS Students identify strategies which help them to recover in situations in which they have felt angry.
45 FEELING GOOD Students develop a personal plan of activities to enable them to feel good about themselves and others. They approach the plan through a sorting activity.
47 MY ANGER DIARY Students focus on recording their experiences with anger management. They design a diary page and draw up a format for a whole journal.
49 CHILL OUT A relaxation exercise enabling students to develop personal relaxation techniques and an understanding of how relaxation can work to help them.
51 CALM VISIONS Students practise visualisation as a way of staying calm and thinking positively.
53 DON'T KICK THE CAT! Students respond to a case study about the consequences of taking anger out on the wrong person.
55 WHY ARE YOU ANGRY WITH ME? Students discuss strategies for responding to others' anger and apply them to their own situations.
57 DEALING WITH CRITICISM Students develop strategies for dealing with criticism through a roleplay exercise.
59 PUTTING IT RIGHT A problem-page activity in which students identify ways of repairing relationships damaged through anger.
61 MOVING ON Students consolidate their learning about anger management and complete anger profiles for a partner and for themselves.
62 APPENDIX 1: Feelings Words cards for use with Talking About Feelings and My Anger Diary
63 APPENDIX 2: Types of behaviour for use with Types Of Behaviour
64 APPENDIX 3: Feel Good cards for use with Feeling Good
65 APPENDIX 4: Alternative activities
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comments
It's difficult to find good Anger Management materials, but I think this book is very useful. I tend to find only one or two really relevant pages per book for adolescents, or dislike the format/find tone patronising, etc. This book provided many pages I will be able to use, and I think the language, length and tone of the exercises are well judged. I will use it a lot, I think. Very satisfied.
What is Anger? Why do we get angry?
What is Anger? Why do we get angry?
source
What is Anger? Why do we get angry?
Anger is a deluded mind that has its focus on an animated or unanimated object, feels it to be very unattractive, and exaggerates its bad qualities and wishes to cause harm. It is the most common destructive delusion, and afflicts our mind almost everyday.
Anger is a response to feelings of unhappiness, which in turn arise whenever we meet with unpleasant circumstances. Whenever we are prevented from fulfilling our wishes, or forced into a situation we dislike, or rather we are put into a situation we want to avoid- our mind reacts immediately feeling unhappy and discomforted. This uncomfortable feeling easily turns into anger.
Another important reason for our anger is that in our day to day life we face many situations which we do not like. Everyday we face situations like stubbing our toes, arguments with our peers, and even drastic situation like hearing bad news like our house being burnt down and even a death in our family. The most common reaction of a normal person is to feel unhappy and angry. We are not in total control of ourselves.
How does anger affect me?
Today, anger is viewed as an immature and uncivilized response to frustration, threat, violation or loss. Often, we express our anger in uncontrolled, violent outbursts. Sometimes, when required to give a response, we may fail to express our feeling due to anger, and we keep accumulating those bitter feelings. This can cause severe headaches to us because of tension, and we may on a happy occasion spoil the event with our outbursts.
Anger can spoil a relationship. Being close in any relationship for many years, there may not be peace and harmony throughout. There are bound to be clashes between personalities, priorities, interests and many other things. Being close for a long time, we know the other person’s shortcomings and it becomes very easy for us to criticize and get angry towards them. We begin to blame them for this uncomfortable situation. Showing temper too frequently makes any relation sour and bitter. And slowly the bond begins to break. Through anger and hatred, people can transform their closest of friends into their bitterest enemies.
Anger can cause mental health problems and depression. Angry people do not care of themselves, and may not eat properly, dress for the occasion or work sincerely. They also indulge in self-destructive activities.
How to deal with anger?
It is impossible to fulfill all our desires and to stop unwanted things happening to us. Hence it becomes a necessity to find a way to avoid getting angry.
Psychologists recommend a balanced approach when dealing with anger. This controls your emotions, and allows you to express your feelings in a healthy and less harmful way.
Anger Management Techniques
Here are some simple techniques that can be implemented very easily. Whenever you get into a situation of controlling your anger, just use these tips.
1. Try to calm yourself. Ask yourself, "How will this behavior be of any use to me?"
2. If something happens, and prompts you to get angry, think of the consequences of your angry response. After thinking, you will not act much fiercely, even if a little anger remains.
3. If someone harms you by wrongful deeds, just ask yourself if he did it on purpose. Most often, you’ll find that he had no intentions of causing harm to you.
4. When your anger seems to be raising, just count 1-10, and meanwhile think if your expression of anger will make the situation better. If you want to say something that may make the situation worse, it’s better not to say it.
5. While in anger, thinking about your loved ones and your happiest moments is difficult but it helps to calm down to a great extent. Before trying to calm the situations, calming yourself is the key to handle the tense situation. In any event, it is not a good thing to vent your anger.
Tips to control anger
1. Count to 10 before reacting or leave the situation all together,
2. Do some physically exerting activities like a walk, swim, etc,
3. Soothe yourself, by practicing deep-breathing exercises, visualizing relaxing scenes, listening to music, yoga or read something of your interest.
4. It is very important to express anger as soon as possible. Never be stewed. If you cannot speak to the person who angered you, speak to some trusted person and let your emotions flow.
5. Think carefully before you say anything. It is better not say any anything than to say something regretful,
6. Try to work out solutions with the person who made you angry.
7. void placing blames.
8. Don’t hold any grudges, and forgive the other person.
9. Try to defuse your anger by using humor.
10. Keep an anger log to identify the kinds of situations that got you angry, and how you reacted.
If you are no good at practicing these, role-playing in anger management classes can help you following these.
By Jayashree Pakhare
Published: 4/25/2007
Monday, 5 October 2009
Angry, and can't calm down
I have had just one hell of a row with my partner, to which he just threw out that I'm a junkie. Yeah, yeah once a junkie, always a bloody junkie. I get it.
I went to the docter and told him that I'm on subutex and that I have trouble sleeping because I have sinusitus and bronchitus. He gives me antbiotics and stilnox with equanil to sleep. My partner goes to the pharmacy to get it and the pharmacist doesn't give him the stilnox and equanil. The pharmacist can't get through on the phone to the docter or the psy that prescribes me subutex, so no medecine.
Do pharmacists have all these rights. I am SO fed up of being treated like a junkie, why don't I go out and be one for good - then they may have something to say. Bloody docters, bloody pharmacists. I really am furious, and just don't care any more. I feel like taking all the pills in the house.
=====
Sounds like your in the same boat I'm in, but for different reasons. Wanting to give up and go back out. H*ll...I'm a drug addict...might as well feed the beast. I'm tired of feeling that way in every way, but the real deal.
My doctor has also refused me what I thought was much needed medication for pain when I hurt my leg back before Christmas. Of course, he treated me like an addict...because I am. In the States - the docs react the same. He doesn't want to give me something he thinks will put me back into a place I don't come back from. He's concerned - honestly concerned. We have a very good relationship. I'm very honest with him to begin with. He's also a recovering addict.
Getting angry with the doctors more than raises red flags when it comes to narcotics. Why does the patient get so angry? Because they want the drugs that will alter the mood - alter the mind. I specifically ask for everything else FIRST as far as meds go before going with a narcotic. When I was going through withdrawals I was given NOTHING to sleep. He made the experience as miserable for me as possible. Fortunately, the effect it had on me was positive. I never wanted to go through that again. It could have easily gone the other way. If he's not going to help...then I'll help myself, but I really wanted to stop doing drugs more than I wanted to go back out back then.
Anger is just a symptom of your disease. Don't let it eat your lunch. It's attacking right now because IT wants the drugs. Here I am one to talk right now because I'm trying very hard not to go back out, but don't let the b@stard take over. If you're in a 12-Step program - read some literature. If you're not in a program - I strongly suggest you find one, go to a meeting and dig in.
__________________
Every life has a measure of sorrow, and sometimes this is what awakens us. - Steven Tyler
====
Just try to calm down and don't let it ruin your recovery. Do some breathing exersizes. I was on the same meds the last time I detoxed and I know you need them. If it makes you feel any better, your in a lot better position than me; im shaking so badly that im typing with one finger and the delete key is my new best friend.
Breath in Breath out. And keep calling the pharmasy and doctors and bugging them. They might get so annoyed they'll just give in; suprisingly that has worked for me. Just don't yell at them because it will backfire; id start crying.
===
In regards to the pharmacist calling, honestly, I would respect any pharmacist who cares enough about you to do that. I am on Methadone and I know there are many meds that if taken with Methadone can cause some very bad side effects as I imagine could be the case with Subutex.
Some meds can actually strip the Methadone out of someone's system if taken together. I have a friend who went through her entire pregnancy on Methadone, was closely monitored by her Doctor as well as the Methadone Clinic. She had been honest with everyone about being in Recovery. Her regular doctor wasn't on call the evening she went into labor. She had to have an emergency C-section and all went well but after the epidural wore off, naturally she needed something for pain. I was right there when she reminded the on call doctor that she didn't want any opiates, that she was on Methadone and in Recovery. The doctor on call wasn't too familiar with what meds cannot be mixed with Methadone and ordered this one particular med (I can't remember what it was called) to be given to her in her IV. I was in the Recovery Room with her and within a few minutes of getting this shot, she went into full blown drug withdrawls! It was horrible, I felt so bad for her because she had been completely honest and reminded this doctor that she didn't want any narcotics and was on Methadone. Did he apologize for his error? Nope!
There could be an interaction that you aren't aware of so don't jump to conclusions. If not, perhaps the pharamcist is just concerned, knowing you are in Recovery. Sure, there are those who are on powertrips, but either way, don't let this guy cause you so much aggrevation that you end up picking up, is he really worth it? I know how it feels when you're sick with Broncitious, I get it often and sleep is desperately needed. But getting this p*ssed off or even relapsing sure isn't going to help you sleep.
It takes awhile before people begin to see the positive changes in our lives. I've been in Recovery 3 years and 9 months and still, there are those people who judge me for my former poor choices I made when I was using. I used to really be hurt by this, but it came out as anger. Then I realized that these people's opinions of me don't mean sh*t. If your partner continues to act like this and treats you this way, I'd shown him the door! You don't need it, you don't deserve it so don't tolerate it. Just keep on taking things One Day at A Time and remember, all of this shall pass. . . . as hard as it is to accept and realize right now.
God Bless,
Judy
===
source
how do i calmdown
and how to managemy anger.
anger management
I went to the docter and told him that I'm on subutex and that I have trouble sleeping because I have sinusitus and bronchitus. He gives me antbiotics and stilnox with equanil to sleep. My partner goes to the pharmacy to get it and the pharmacist doesn't give him the stilnox and equanil. The pharmacist can't get through on the phone to the docter or the psy that prescribes me subutex, so no medecine.
Do pharmacists have all these rights. I am SO fed up of being treated like a junkie, why don't I go out and be one for good - then they may have something to say. Bloody docters, bloody pharmacists. I really am furious, and just don't care any more. I feel like taking all the pills in the house.
=====
Sounds like your in the same boat I'm in, but for different reasons. Wanting to give up and go back out. H*ll...I'm a drug addict...might as well feed the beast. I'm tired of feeling that way in every way, but the real deal.
My doctor has also refused me what I thought was much needed medication for pain when I hurt my leg back before Christmas. Of course, he treated me like an addict...because I am. In the States - the docs react the same. He doesn't want to give me something he thinks will put me back into a place I don't come back from. He's concerned - honestly concerned. We have a very good relationship. I'm very honest with him to begin with. He's also a recovering addict.
Getting angry with the doctors more than raises red flags when it comes to narcotics. Why does the patient get so angry? Because they want the drugs that will alter the mood - alter the mind. I specifically ask for everything else FIRST as far as meds go before going with a narcotic. When I was going through withdrawals I was given NOTHING to sleep. He made the experience as miserable for me as possible. Fortunately, the effect it had on me was positive. I never wanted to go through that again. It could have easily gone the other way. If he's not going to help...then I'll help myself, but I really wanted to stop doing drugs more than I wanted to go back out back then.
Anger is just a symptom of your disease. Don't let it eat your lunch. It's attacking right now because IT wants the drugs. Here I am one to talk right now because I'm trying very hard not to go back out, but don't let the b@stard take over. If you're in a 12-Step program - read some literature. If you're not in a program - I strongly suggest you find one, go to a meeting and dig in.
__________________
Every life has a measure of sorrow, and sometimes this is what awakens us. - Steven Tyler
====
Just try to calm down and don't let it ruin your recovery. Do some breathing exersizes. I was on the same meds the last time I detoxed and I know you need them. If it makes you feel any better, your in a lot better position than me; im shaking so badly that im typing with one finger and the delete key is my new best friend.
Breath in Breath out. And keep calling the pharmasy and doctors and bugging them. They might get so annoyed they'll just give in; suprisingly that has worked for me. Just don't yell at them because it will backfire; id start crying.
===
In regards to the pharmacist calling, honestly, I would respect any pharmacist who cares enough about you to do that. I am on Methadone and I know there are many meds that if taken with Methadone can cause some very bad side effects as I imagine could be the case with Subutex.
Some meds can actually strip the Methadone out of someone's system if taken together. I have a friend who went through her entire pregnancy on Methadone, was closely monitored by her Doctor as well as the Methadone Clinic. She had been honest with everyone about being in Recovery. Her regular doctor wasn't on call the evening she went into labor. She had to have an emergency C-section and all went well but after the epidural wore off, naturally she needed something for pain. I was right there when she reminded the on call doctor that she didn't want any opiates, that she was on Methadone and in Recovery. The doctor on call wasn't too familiar with what meds cannot be mixed with Methadone and ordered this one particular med (I can't remember what it was called) to be given to her in her IV. I was in the Recovery Room with her and within a few minutes of getting this shot, she went into full blown drug withdrawls! It was horrible, I felt so bad for her because she had been completely honest and reminded this doctor that she didn't want any narcotics and was on Methadone. Did he apologize for his error? Nope!
There could be an interaction that you aren't aware of so don't jump to conclusions. If not, perhaps the pharamcist is just concerned, knowing you are in Recovery. Sure, there are those who are on powertrips, but either way, don't let this guy cause you so much aggrevation that you end up picking up, is he really worth it? I know how it feels when you're sick with Broncitious, I get it often and sleep is desperately needed. But getting this p*ssed off or even relapsing sure isn't going to help you sleep.
It takes awhile before people begin to see the positive changes in our lives. I've been in Recovery 3 years and 9 months and still, there are those people who judge me for my former poor choices I made when I was using. I used to really be hurt by this, but it came out as anger. Then I realized that these people's opinions of me don't mean sh*t. If your partner continues to act like this and treats you this way, I'd shown him the door! You don't need it, you don't deserve it so don't tolerate it. Just keep on taking things One Day at A Time and remember, all of this shall pass. . . . as hard as it is to accept and realize right now.
God Bless,
Judy
===
source
how do i calmdown
and how to managemy anger.
anger management
Thursday, 1 October 2009
Anger Management Activities and Exercise To Help Calm You
Anger Management Activities and Exercise To Help Calm You
There are lots of ways that you can learn to manage your anger, even when it seems like a totally overwhelming emotion. If you have anger management issues, you can get help through anger management activities and exercise programs that have been created especially to help you discover various outlets for your anger, and help you to calm down in an appropriate way.
Teenagers in particular will benefit from these kinds of anger management classes. Adolescence is a time when kids are starting to make some huge leaps in emotional maturity. While this is going on, their emotions can seem to be unmanageable and they can't seem to figure out what to do with them. Therefore, they often end up responding in anger to just about every emotion they experience.
That's why teens will benefit greatly from anger management activities and exercise plans that will teach them an appropriate outlet for their energy. It will also help them to become more focused so that they can learn to deconstruct their problems into manageable compartments. This helps them discover the emotions that lie below the anger and manage them appropriately.
A popular and effective type of anger management activity and exercise program is yoga. This practice teaches you to perform a variety of postures that focus on methods of relaxation and deep breathing techniques. These skills will teach you to focus your thoughts, release negative energy and calm yourself.
These are valuable skills that can be carried over into your everyday life. If you feel your anger starting to rise, just breathe deeply and concentrate on relaxing in order to overcome the emotion. You can also try repeating words and phrases that will help you calm down. Something like, "It's all good," or whatever works for you.
Another approach to anger management is to alter negative thoughts that you might be voicing in your head. Turn them into funny images and thoughts, which will replace the feelings of anger. For example, if you tend to think of someone as a jerk whenever you are angry with them, translate that word into a ridiculous mental image, like maybe a stick of beef jerky. This will give you a little bit of time and distance to help you calm down. The more ridiculous the imagery, the easier it will be to lose your anger.
Anger management activities and exercises can also be more cognitive in nature. This involves a process of retraining your thoughts so that you can rationally assess the situation and possible solutions before speaking your mind.
Posted by Kim
Anger Management Strategies for Parents
Eight Anger Management Strategies that Parents Can Teach Their Teens
As teenagers grow up, they face increased pressure and more responsibilities. Coping with these new challenges can be extremely difficult, and many teens express their frustration or stress as anger. Through open communication and modeling appropriate reactions, parents can help their teenagers to manage this anger and respond to it in a healthy, productive way.
Evaluate the logic of the reaction. Talk though a situation to help the teen decide if the situation is really something worth getting angry about. This is also a great opportunity to brainstorm other ways to handle the situation effectively and appropriately. The key here is to turn the anger into something constructive.
Help teens to identify anger triggers. Once they know what makes them angry, they can find ways to avoid them or to build a better tolerance of them. Keeping an anger journal can be a useful technique for identifying triggers; a teen who keeps an anger journal can look back over past entries, to look at behavior trends.
Reiterate that it is acceptable for teens to remove themselves from extremely frustrating situations. It takes considerable self control for a teen to walk away from something that makes him or her angry, and this self control is a skill that parents can model. Strategies like counting to ten or going to a "safe place" can be useful. It is also important for a parent to inform teachers if a child is using these strategies.
Encourage time management skills. A common stressor for teens is being overwhelmed with work or responsibilities. One method is to create a calendar for the entire family. Each family member uses his or her own color to write down due dates, appointments, and social activities. This kind of calendar helps teens to visualize how much time they actually have to complete different tasks, and it aids parents in keeping abreast of often-hectic schedules.
Incorporate regular exercise in the teen's day. This could be through an organized sport, or through a daily family bike ride. Aside from being part of a healthy lifestyle, daily exercise also provides teens a physical outlet for anger or aggression.
Expand your family's "emotional vocabulary." Often teens will say they feel only mad or angry. Introduce other words like "disappointed," "upset," or "embarrassed," and explain their different meanings. Teens can learn to react differently when they feel disappointed or embarrassed, than they do when they are angry.
Emphasize empathy. Considering an issue from another person's perspective can be a momentous task for an angry teenager. However, once the teen has talked through the situation, it is useful to ask how the other people involved might have felt, or why they may have acted as they did. Encouraging the examination of an issue from all angles will help a teen to remain more objective in frustrating situations.
Seek innovative forms of self expression. Many hospitals and treatment centers offer art therapy programs. Other teenagers may benefit from writing poetry, or from learning to play a musical instrument. These artistic endeavors give teens yet another outlet, and give them the opportunity to share their work with others.
source
Anger Management Strategies for Parents
As teenagers grow up, they face increased pressure and more responsibilities. Coping with these new challenges can be extremely difficult, and many teens express their frustration or stress as anger. Through open communication and modeling appropriate reactions, parents can help their teenagers to manage this anger and respond to it in a healthy, productive way.
Evaluate the logic of the reaction. Talk though a situation to help the teen decide if the situation is really something worth getting angry about. This is also a great opportunity to brainstorm other ways to handle the situation effectively and appropriately. The key here is to turn the anger into something constructive.
Help teens to identify anger triggers. Once they know what makes them angry, they can find ways to avoid them or to build a better tolerance of them. Keeping an anger journal can be a useful technique for identifying triggers; a teen who keeps an anger journal can look back over past entries, to look at behavior trends.
Reiterate that it is acceptable for teens to remove themselves from extremely frustrating situations. It takes considerable self control for a teen to walk away from something that makes him or her angry, and this self control is a skill that parents can model. Strategies like counting to ten or going to a "safe place" can be useful. It is also important for a parent to inform teachers if a child is using these strategies.
Encourage time management skills. A common stressor for teens is being overwhelmed with work or responsibilities. One method is to create a calendar for the entire family. Each family member uses his or her own color to write down due dates, appointments, and social activities. This kind of calendar helps teens to visualize how much time they actually have to complete different tasks, and it aids parents in keeping abreast of often-hectic schedules.
Incorporate regular exercise in the teen's day. This could be through an organized sport, or through a daily family bike ride. Aside from being part of a healthy lifestyle, daily exercise also provides teens a physical outlet for anger or aggression.
Expand your family's "emotional vocabulary." Often teens will say they feel only mad or angry. Introduce other words like "disappointed," "upset," or "embarrassed," and explain their different meanings. Teens can learn to react differently when they feel disappointed or embarrassed, than they do when they are angry.
Emphasize empathy. Considering an issue from another person's perspective can be a momentous task for an angry teenager. However, once the teen has talked through the situation, it is useful to ask how the other people involved might have felt, or why they may have acted as they did. Encouraging the examination of an issue from all angles will help a teen to remain more objective in frustrating situations.
Seek innovative forms of self expression. Many hospitals and treatment centers offer art therapy programs. Other teenagers may benefit from writing poetry, or from learning to play a musical instrument. These artistic endeavors give teens yet another outlet, and give them the opportunity to share their work with others.
source
Anger Management Strategies for Parents
Friday, 25 September 2009
7 fantastic anger management tips
Experiencing anger is extremely dangerous to your health. It causes your adrenaline and blood pressure to rise up at above normal levels. Moreover, you could end up hurting someone or doing something that you will regret later on. Here are 7 fantastic anger management tips to help you be the one in control of yourself, and not the hazardous madman called “Anger.”
1) Relax and visualize.
Calm yourself down. Take a deep breath. As you exhale, imagine all those bottled-up fury come out of your nose and mouth. Release it and be free. Repeat this step over and over until you feel peace inside.
Then visualize being in a place where you feel most happy, calm, and relaxed. It may be a place like a beach, garden, scenic locations, or anywhere else you might think of. Just imagine being there and inhaling the essence of your serene environment. By doing this, you will not find it hard to attain inner peace.
2) Pour out your anger to safe outlets.
You had a big quarrel with your former friend. He betrayed your trust. You want vengeance and you’re raving mad.
Hold it. Restrain yourself.
Try your best to get away from him as far as you can. You don’t want to hurt anyone. Anger can possess your brain into doing something that you wouldn’t dare do before.
How do you then release your anger if you can’t restrict it anymore?
Buy a punching bag, then pour out all your rage in it. Punch it, kick it, strangle it. Imagine the punching bag is your enemy. When you’re done, you will feel a sense of satisfaction. You may even punch and kick through thin air if you desire.
Another anger management technique is to “SHOUT!” Find a distant place where you can be alone – a place where no one can hear you. At the top of your voice, yell out loud “Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh.” You can choose any word you like as long as you release all those angry demons out of your chest.
3) Forgive and forget.
Nothing could ease your mental and emotional pains better than by forgiving someone that has hurt you in the past. It is very unhealthy to burden yourself with unnecessary torture brought about by unpleasant memories of other people’s demeaning acts.
Moreover, if they have taken something important away from you, would it make sense to also sacrifice your health and lifestyle? Of course not.
4) Exercise.
Engaging in exercises increases your endorphins. Your angry mood could miraculously change to a happy one if you get involved in exercises that you enjoy doing.
5) Have a circle of “sponge” friends.
Do you feel relieved when you voice out all your problems to close friends and relatives? That’s the power of voicing out your inner feelings.
Always have someone to talk to when you’re down, when you’re depressed, when you’re mad, or in any other occasion when you feel you have to get the thorns out of your chest. It’s also a good anger management technique because your friend can help you calm down, and find a possible resolution to your situation.
6) Listen to soothing music.
It calms your soul. A 20 minute session of listening to relaxing music while resting comfortably could soothe the upset spirit. Take deep breaths often.
7) Pray.
Deadly consequences arise when people could not hold back their fury. Ask for guidance that you will be able to control your temper. Prayers bring inner peace to those who ask for it.
There you have it – 7 essential anger management techniques to release yourself from the treacherous killer known as “Anger.” Manage your anger, save your life.
Need help with anything else? Reawakener Recommends Self Help Street.
source here...
Monday, 21 September 2009
angry teens sensitive children
Family help: angry teens sensitive children stressed parents
http://developyourchild.co.uk
offers advice and help with coaching for parents, conscious parenting, problem teens, parenting skills, sensitive kids and emotional development. http://familycoachingcafe.com
It is time to consider a different approach and unleash your child's true potential. Whoever said 'Children don't come with a manual' was right!
Are you feeling guilty because you can't communicate with your child? Are you a stressed parent? Do you need help?
Visit http://developyourchild.co.uk for advice on how to tame your teenager, understand conscious parenting or even calming your classroom.
Kids of today are different! Help them unleash their potential and see them from a different perspective. http://.developyourchild.co.uk
http://developyourchild.co.uk
offers advice and help with coaching for parents, conscious parenting, problem teens, parenting skills, sensitive kids and emotional development. http://familycoachingcafe.com
It is time to consider a different approach and unleash your child's true potential. Whoever said 'Children don't come with a manual' was right!
Are you feeling guilty because you can't communicate with your child? Are you a stressed parent? Do you need help?
Visit http://developyourchild.co.uk for advice on how to tame your teenager, understand conscious parenting or even calming your classroom.
Kids of today are different! Help them unleash their potential and see them from a different perspective. http://.developyourchild.co.uk
angry professor
Turns out when you're in college, your parents don't generally know your class schedule. This means that they don't know you're in class. However, I agree, this guy was a dick for staying on the phone, especially in what appears to be the first or second lesson of the year. Great way to make an impression at the start of the class, get your phone smashed by your prof :D
Well if he's filming the class to rewatch and have the class on record then I guess it's fine, it's not like he's messing around. The teacher can't claim he's doing something wrong since he's only recording what's happening which in his defence could be educational. Maybe the class was taped by another teacher? You never know. Class observartion happens sometimes.
I hate when people have cell phones in class.
I think it's so rude when people don't switch their phones off..
Go professor Go!!!!
I loose my patients and so does he...it Makes Me REALLY Angry
this is what happens to me this morning.......
=======================================
My son is 9, he is in fourth grade, last night was only our second night of homework and it ended in total frustration on both our parts. I asked him what he was surrposed to do with two of his assignments and he said he didnt know, I asked didnt your teacher tell you or explain to you what to do. He said no. But I emailed the teacher and as I expected she had explained it. She said he would rather play with his pencil or look around the room and do things his way. I am so frustrated and disappointed in myself because I get angry with him. I loose my patients and so does he, but I know it is because he is so like me.
Someone once told me not to pray for patients is that true, cause right now I need it alot!
any one have any good ideas on how I can get him to pay better attention in school.
----------------------------
I think first you need to try to figure out why he's not paying attention...and that's easier said than done, I know. For me, I was so bored. because I wasn't being challenged. Literally, I would doodle while the teacher was talking. I remember once the teacher (who noticed, for once) asked me to repeat what she'd said. I parroted it back like it was nothing new. She was so bewildered that I'd actually been able to focus on what she'd said while also focusing on the doodles. Anyway, long story short, I wasn't giving it my FULL attention because I was bored (but I wasn't in advanced placement classes because I wouldn't do my homework...for the same reason).
The other thing it could be is that he feels daunted and that's his coping mechanism.
Anyway, there are a plethora of other things it could be...I think you need to be a listening ear, and maybe have a conversation casually about it...see if he'll open up enough to actually tell you how he feels (I know, at that age they're so reticient...but if you listen long enough and patiently enough and assure them that you're not going to get mad kids that age often will take the opportunity). Or maybe if you talk to another adult your son's close to (a youth pastor? an uncle? someone else?) to see if they can weed out the answer...
If there doesn't seem to be a way to get him to open up, it may be time to sit down with the teacher about the issue (personally, I wouldn't tell him you're going to do this, if possible...whenever my parents told me that sort of thing I got defensive and would spend hours sweating about what they were talking about...I'm telling you, it stressed me SO much).
Some other things to watch for are:
- Does the teacher even seem willing to investigate the matter or are they just fed up? Maybe it's time for a class or school change if they're not willing to do that. But they may well be willing to help, so long as you act as a partner with them in this, and don't point fingers.
- Does he seem very tired a lot of the time? Maybe there's something going on with his sleep habits (waking because of nightmares? just not sleeping long enough?).
- How does he feel about the teacher? How does the teacher feel about him? I know a lot of kids will say they hate their teachers by virtue of them being teachers...but closely question why they feel this way and you may be able to discover what's really going on. Sometimes there are just personality differences that are hard for both to overcome...again, maybe a class change may help.
----------------
another answer
i sure remember those days - 3 straight years i had a battle most nights with my son. i've heard most parents say they dreaded the summer vacation. for me, it was the opposite. i tried everything. the last thing i did was to make him stay at the table until he finished the homework. he literally sat there from the time he got home from school until time for bed. nothing would move him to make him do the homework.
long story short, he still graduated high school on time. some kids don't need homework is all i can guess. unless he's failing, i wouldn't make a big deal out of it. if he is, i would recommend a tutor or at least another helper besides you. i assure you, the frustration is not worth it.
--------------
I am not big on testing a child, but I have to ask, has he been tested to see how he learns best? I could not learn in a classroom setting, acting the same way your son is acting. I learned best by hands on. That is why I did lousy in English ... no way to have a hands on in English. Is there a way to make the lessons more interesting to him? You did not mention the subject, so I can not give specific examples to my suggestion.
As for the anger ... been there. My youngest son was a class clown. Failed the 8th grade twice and quit school at 16. He is not stupid, by any means. He was bored, did not learn will in a classroom (as I) and felt "stupid" because of this, which transformed into him being angry with anyone who wanted to help. I eventually had to find someone else to assist him. I later found out that he was embarrassed that he did not know the subject. It was me that he was embarrassed toward.
There is not easy answer. It is a process to find out why. Start with the guidance counselors at school to see if it is, in fact, how he learns best that is the issue.
====
Anger Management Why it Makes Me REALLY Angry
anger management and why it makes me angry. I just think the whole concept of anger management implies that anger is bad, anger is wrong, and in fact underneath that is that all emotions are bad and all emotions are wrong. I think the point about anger management, the point about dealing with anger is actually anger needs to be expressed, but it needs to expressed properly, appropriately, and in a way that's not going to hurt people. so try to find a person you can express that with, or a place you can express that. and maybe it's working it out at the gym, or maybe it's talking to a men's group or women's group about it. find some way that you can express your anger rather than try to bottle up your anger.
=======================================
My son is 9, he is in fourth grade, last night was only our second night of homework and it ended in total frustration on both our parts. I asked him what he was surrposed to do with two of his assignments and he said he didnt know, I asked didnt your teacher tell you or explain to you what to do. He said no. But I emailed the teacher and as I expected she had explained it. She said he would rather play with his pencil or look around the room and do things his way. I am so frustrated and disappointed in myself because I get angry with him. I loose my patients and so does he, but I know it is because he is so like me.
Someone once told me not to pray for patients is that true, cause right now I need it alot!
any one have any good ideas on how I can get him to pay better attention in school.
----------------------------
I think first you need to try to figure out why he's not paying attention...and that's easier said than done, I know. For me, I was so bored. because I wasn't being challenged. Literally, I would doodle while the teacher was talking. I remember once the teacher (who noticed, for once) asked me to repeat what she'd said. I parroted it back like it was nothing new. She was so bewildered that I'd actually been able to focus on what she'd said while also focusing on the doodles. Anyway, long story short, I wasn't giving it my FULL attention because I was bored (but I wasn't in advanced placement classes because I wouldn't do my homework...for the same reason).
The other thing it could be is that he feels daunted and that's his coping mechanism.
Anyway, there are a plethora of other things it could be...I think you need to be a listening ear, and maybe have a conversation casually about it...see if he'll open up enough to actually tell you how he feels (I know, at that age they're so reticient...but if you listen long enough and patiently enough and assure them that you're not going to get mad kids that age often will take the opportunity). Or maybe if you talk to another adult your son's close to (a youth pastor? an uncle? someone else?) to see if they can weed out the answer...
If there doesn't seem to be a way to get him to open up, it may be time to sit down with the teacher about the issue (personally, I wouldn't tell him you're going to do this, if possible...whenever my parents told me that sort of thing I got defensive and would spend hours sweating about what they were talking about...I'm telling you, it stressed me SO much).
Some other things to watch for are:
- Does the teacher even seem willing to investigate the matter or are they just fed up? Maybe it's time for a class or school change if they're not willing to do that. But they may well be willing to help, so long as you act as a partner with them in this, and don't point fingers.
- Does he seem very tired a lot of the time? Maybe there's something going on with his sleep habits (waking because of nightmares? just not sleeping long enough?).
- How does he feel about the teacher? How does the teacher feel about him? I know a lot of kids will say they hate their teachers by virtue of them being teachers...but closely question why they feel this way and you may be able to discover what's really going on. Sometimes there are just personality differences that are hard for both to overcome...again, maybe a class change may help.
----------------
another answer
i sure remember those days - 3 straight years i had a battle most nights with my son. i've heard most parents say they dreaded the summer vacation. for me, it was the opposite. i tried everything. the last thing i did was to make him stay at the table until he finished the homework. he literally sat there from the time he got home from school until time for bed. nothing would move him to make him do the homework.
long story short, he still graduated high school on time. some kids don't need homework is all i can guess. unless he's failing, i wouldn't make a big deal out of it. if he is, i would recommend a tutor or at least another helper besides you. i assure you, the frustration is not worth it.
--------------
I am not big on testing a child, but I have to ask, has he been tested to see how he learns best? I could not learn in a classroom setting, acting the same way your son is acting. I learned best by hands on. That is why I did lousy in English ... no way to have a hands on in English. Is there a way to make the lessons more interesting to him? You did not mention the subject, so I can not give specific examples to my suggestion.
As for the anger ... been there. My youngest son was a class clown. Failed the 8th grade twice and quit school at 16. He is not stupid, by any means. He was bored, did not learn will in a classroom (as I) and felt "stupid" because of this, which transformed into him being angry with anyone who wanted to help. I eventually had to find someone else to assist him. I later found out that he was embarrassed that he did not know the subject. It was me that he was embarrassed toward.
There is not easy answer. It is a process to find out why. Start with the guidance counselors at school to see if it is, in fact, how he learns best that is the issue.
====
Anger Management Why it Makes Me REALLY Angry
anger management and why it makes me angry. I just think the whole concept of anger management implies that anger is bad, anger is wrong, and in fact underneath that is that all emotions are bad and all emotions are wrong. I think the point about anger management, the point about dealing with anger is actually anger needs to be expressed, but it needs to expressed properly, appropriately, and in a way that's not going to hurt people. so try to find a person you can express that with, or a place you can express that. and maybe it's working it out at the gym, or maybe it's talking to a men's group or women's group about it. find some way that you can express your anger rather than try to bottle up your anger.
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Anger itself isn't a bad thing
Anger itself isn't a bad thing
Anger Management - Control Your Anger Before it Affects Your Health
By BK Carter Platinum Quality Author
Anger itself isn't a bad thing; it's how you control your anger that makes a difference. If you find that you don't often express your anger or you blow up in episodes of rage, then chances are you could benefit from learning how to control your anger. If you don't, you could find yourself suffering from health problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, stroke, chronic headaches, and insomnia.
It doesn't matter if you hold your anger in or express it frequently by raging like a maniac, you are still in danger of these health problems. Anger triggers the body's "fight or flight" mechanism which triggers the adrenal gland to produce more adrenaline. This adrenaline increases your heart rate and blood pressure. If you experience anger frequently, then your heart will start to suffer from the increased stress that you put on it.
All of these potential health problems really make sense if you think about how you really start to feel when you get angry. Your heart starts to pound and you can feel your pulse rate start to go up. If you get angry often, then this obviously can't be good for you.
If you tend to hold your anger in, then it may start to consume you. Think about a time you were extremely angry about something. If you are like me, then the situation may start to consume you. You can't sleep because you are constantly thinking about either revenge or how you would have handled the situation differently. You may be going about your day normally and then all of a sudden you are thinking about what made you angry and it starts all over again. When you do this often, you are in extreme danger of developing anxiety or depression.
People that have gone through anger management still get angry, but they have learned to control their anger and channel it the correct way, this allows them to control their anger and avoid health concerns that may arise from getting angry too often. To learn how you can help yourself with your anger, visit http://7offers.com/anger-management-help.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=BK_Carter
Teens Anger Management - Control your anger
Teens Anger Management - Control your anger
Anger Management - 10 Top Tips to Put You Back in Control of Your Temper!
By Adrianne Morris Platinum Quality Author
Anger wells up within us whenever we perceive that we have been wronged, but how we deal with the situation will determine whether the problem escalates or is resolved. Here are 10 ways to resolve a toxic situation:
As you work through them, don't just read them but consider to what extent each one applies to you and the situations you find yourself in. Try to focus on each tip one at a time, maybe recalling the current one each time an angry situation threatens - in this way each one will become a habit!
1. Take a deep breath ... wait... take a few more...
Breathing calms the body, and by reducing the physical signs of anger, calms the mind. When something has angered you, rather than erupting spontaneously, or sending off an angry letter or email, breathe deeply and then exhale - and the exhalation should be longer and more complete then the in-breath (say, in for seven seconds and out for ten). Repeat this several times and continue until you're physically calm. Only then should you express yourself verbally. If you cannot calm down, consider what benefit you are trying to get out of the situation, and take measured, considered action which does not include ranting or sending an invective-filled or vitriolic email or letter which can only inflame and worsen the already fraught state of affairs. Consider, most importantly, what you want the ultimate outcome to be?
2. Don't deny your anger...........but consider the consequences
Anger should not be suppressed. Storing anger only builds to a more explosive eruption later. It's best to "use it and lose it" - i.e. let go of the anger, NOT lose your temper. Anger can be used appropriately or inappropriately. It is appropriate when you use it to achieve a desired outcome. It is inappropriate when the anger uses you, takes over and brings about an unconsidered and unwanted outcome. Think about poor service on an airline: don't explode at the hostess - ranting and raving will just annoy other passengers and may just get you barred from using that airline in future - rather call the senior purser and voice your complaint in a measured way and you are likely to be offered a better meal, an upgrade, or maybe even air-miles. I'm speaking from very recent personal experience, by the way!
3. Eat properly .... and drink sensibly
Healthy but not excessive eating, drinking lots of water, avoiding enjoying tea, coffee and alcohol but not in excess are all sensible responses to irrational emotion or tiredness. They may also prevent and control stress headaches. We all know people who are so much the worse for wear when alcohol kicks in - know your limits and endavour to stick to the level just before you become an aggressive and unpleasant drunk.
4. Recognise tiredness and stress
One of the most common places we recognise that we are tired and/or stressed is in a car. This is where most arguments between spouses or companions occur. The trigger may be not following the best route, heavy traffic or the poor control of another driver. The consequences of losing your temper may be an insufferable journey or, worse, an accident. You might injure someone, kill or be killed. Rather breathe deeply and wait. Above all, do not drive when tired. You might want to make a conscious decision to let the driver be in charge and be determined not to "back seat drive" or be a "prat nav"!
Tiredness and stress are equally damaging at work and at home. Rather than get embroiled in a major argument, say you are upset and walk away. Again, you're learning to recognise which buttons of yours will cause you to react angrily - once you know your triggers, you're well on the way to controlling yourself and your temper.
5. Control your environment
As anger specialist Mike Fisher* says, " Anger thrives in a toxic environment, feeding on itself. If you manage to stay calm at work or in a car, other people will be less stressed and angry, which will in turn help you to control your own anger". If need be, take time out and remove yourself from the place of the dispute temporarily. Step outside for some fresh air if at all possible or employ some other kind of diversionary tactic.
6. Anger as a justified response to wrong-doing should be proportionate
There are times and situations when it is completely appropriate to be angry, but when for example, one goes into a rant because one of your employees has dropped and smashed a glass, this is disproportionate. On the other hand, becoming apoplectic at the breakage of a valuable antique vase is by no means unjustified! However, it won't help the person responsible who will, assuredly, be feeling pretty bad with no help from you.
7. Focus on the issue rather than on the person
When we are angry it is easy to use terms like "you always get things wrong when you speak to clients", but this tends to bring about a response like "no, I don't always, just in this case, but you always say always!!" Focusing on the issue, like: " Mrs Jones was upset - do you think you could have handled her in a different way?" will produce a very different and less emotional response. Do try not to generalise if you must vent your anger.
8. Get help
If you are in a persistently stressed and angry state to the detriment of your health, wellbeing, and relationships with others, it is really sensible to seek help from a doctor, therapist or coach. Help may come in the form of advice, medication or suggestion for life-style change, but someone else is far more likely to see the bigger picture. Just taking that first step to get yourself some help, will be a positive move.
9. Join a support group
Examples would be The British Association of Anger Management or Alcoholics Anonymous, or your place of worship - one's church, mosque or synagogue. Joining a meditation, yoga or tai-chi group often provides a nurturing community for dealing with lower-level stress.
10. Take responsibility
A problem may be caused by another person, or situation, but until you recognise that the greater problem of your excessive response to a negative situation rests with you rather than with others, you are unlikely to improve the situation. As soon as you start to blame others, focus on your own errors or misconceptions that have clouded the picture, and accept responsibility. This is especially valid if your angry outburst has exacerbated the situation.
It's in your mind and in your hands!
*Recommended reading: 'Beating Anger' by Mike Fisher, director of The British Association of Anger Management
For anger management sessions on a 1:1 basis with Adrianne Morris please make contact through my website http://alplifecoach.com or call 07956 514714 for further details and a half hour "taster" session.
Visit the website to see more articles like this one on stress management, redundncy, improved relationships by Adrianne Morris, Success Coach. http://alplifecoach.com or call Adrianne for a half hour "coffee" over the phone and a chat about how she can help you significantly raise your game -
07956 514714
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Adrianne_Morris
Don't Look Back In Anger
Don't Look Back In Anger
Music video for the 'Don't Look Back In Anger' single featuring Patrick MacNee.
Directed by NIgel Dick
Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd never been
But all the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away
So I start a revolution from my bed
'Cause you said the Brains I had went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out
So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger
I heard you say
Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows, if it's night or day.
Please don't put your life in the hands
Of a Rock 'n Roll band
Who'll throw it all away
I'm gonna start the revolution from my bed
'Cos you said the Brains I had went to my head
Step outside cos summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
Cos you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out
So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as she's walking on by.
My soul slides away, but don't look back in anger
I heard you say
So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger
I heard you say
And So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late and she's walking on by
My soul slides away, but don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger
I heard you say
At least not today.
Don't Look Back In Anger lyrics
Music video for the 'Don't Look Back In Anger' single featuring Patrick MacNee.
Directed by NIgel Dick
Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd never been
But all the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away
So I start a revolution from my bed
'Cause you said the Brains I had went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out
So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger
I heard you say
Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows, if it's night or day.
Please don't put your life in the hands
Of a Rock 'n Roll band
Who'll throw it all away
I'm gonna start the revolution from my bed
'Cos you said the Brains I had went to my head
Step outside cos summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
Cos you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out
So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as she's walking on by.
My soul slides away, but don't look back in anger
I heard you say
So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger
I heard you say
And So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late and she's walking on by
My soul slides away, but don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger
I heard you say
At least not today.
Don't Look Back In Anger lyrics
The benefits of doing Anger Work
The benefits of doing Anger Work
By Dr. Robert Puff
The benefits of doing Anger Work are beyond measure. Instead of following in the footsteps of dysfunctional family role models you can find the freedom to break out of those behavior patterns and become the “you” that you have always wanted to be. Instead of sabotaging your own happiness by repressing your anger (which undermines your physical and emotional health via stress-related illness, obsessive-compulsive behavior, and/or depression) or exploding in anger (which fractures relationships in your life, and causes you to be hounded by guilt), now you can be proactive about resolving your own anger. You can get mad and get over it, without all the lingering side-effects.
As with anything in life that is truly worthwhile, there is a cost. Now that you have your anger work tools, I encourage you to be brave and think about your past, as much of it as you can, and see what you find. Get out your old photo albums, talk to your old friends and family about your life, or go visit some place in your past and see what feelings arise. Getting these old feelings to surface and then dealing with them via Anger Work is comparable to clearing all the moldy, disgusting leftovers out of your emotional refrigerator. Doing this type of emotional backtracking is a very serious, though fruitful endeavor.
The price of your healing is that you will need to invest your time and energy in this project. Financial success, owning a nice home, having a good reputation in your field of work, and finding your soul mate are all worthy goals. However, it is possible to have all those and still be unhappy because of depression, anxiety, or other symptoms that come from unresolved emotional issues. Your level of emotional health is the filter through which the rest of your life experiences are perceived. I urge you to ask yourself this question: is there anything more worthy of your time and attention than your own emotional well-being?
Take a moment and think of any person who has achieved greatness, not someone who has inherited riches or won the lottery, but someone who has achieved his or her own goals. How was the person able to accomplish so much? Personal commitment, hard work, and perseverance undoubtedly played a great role. Some of you may think that success has more to do with having good luck or good genes. I encourage you to read the biographies of two or three of your favorite successful people. Read about Mahatma Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, Oprah Winfrey, Isaac Newton, Michael Jordan, or Marie Curie and see what the important factors were in their lives. You will learn that people who are great achievers are very motivated and work hard to achieve their goals. They spent lots of time and energy developing and maintaining their skills. Achievement of any kind takes time and work. Make it your highest possible goal to heal from the abuses of your past and become fully you (the “you” you were intended to be, not the one you may have become as a result of being battered by life). To accomplish this you will need to do a lot of soul searching. Most people avoid their feelings because they lack the tools necessary to process painful and traumatic events. That is why so many people who were abused as children turn to addictive behavior. You are no longer in that predicament.
Now you know what you have to do to work out those emotions and heal. You simply have to be committed to your own health and make it happen. This entails taking time weekly, or better yet daily, to focus on your repressed feelings and heal them with Anger Work. Of course, the more you work on eliminating your emotional baggage, the quicker you will lighten your load. You will reap great rewards if you will spend the time.
For many of you, this will mean a lot of changes in you life. Usually, our lives are replete with responsibilities and activities that leave little or no time for self-reflection and Anger Work. In order to carve the time out of your schedule you may have to get good at putting together two letters of the alphabet, “N” and “O.” One of my greatest struggles as a therapist is to get people to say “no” to activities so they have time for Anger Work. If you are serious about your emotional health, then you need time to work on it. Saying “no” may not make you popular with others, but not saying “no” has consequences too. You may deceptively appear to be in good health for a while, but your body systems are slowly deteriorating.
Dr. Robert Puff is a Newport Beach psychologist and international business consultant who has given over a thousand media interviews. If you would like to read or listen to his numerous selections of how to handle fear, manage anger, reduce stress, go to http://www.doctorpuff.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Robert_Puff
Friday, 11 September 2009
BEECA - Angry Song
Song: Angry Song
Here the lyric again, if you want to copy them easely:
He's a perfect picture
of a boyfriend in the skies
She's a little victim
of his every single lie
Tells her what she wants to hear
when he's looking in her eyes
Yeah he's a perfect picture
and all I do is cry
Wasting my time and I cant get it back
get it back no more
Now I'm moving on and I'm not turning back
seen the last of me boy
This is my angry song to you
I wrote this anthem just to proove
That I was bleeding and I was screaming
but now I'm stronger than before
This is my angry song to you
These words are all I have to lose
better believe in
'cuz now I'm leaving
and I ain't coming back to you
He's a perfect picture
of the rebel type of guy
who gets him so addicted
to the drama and the lights
Promises he swears to keep
he breaks them every night
Yeah he's a perfect picture
but I won't live this lie
Wasting my time and I cant get it back
get it back no more
Now I'm moving on and I'm not turning back
seen the last of me boy
This is my angry song to you
I wrote this anthem just to proove
That I was bleeding and I was screaming
but now I'm stronger than before
This is my angry song to you
These words are all I have to lose
better believe in
'cuz now I'm leaving
and I ain't coming back to you
Didn't think we'd end this way
I though that you'd be here to stay
I caught up in love in you, warning you, missing you, there are the looping will go away
Couldn't have been the thought of losing you
so I pretent to not to see the truth
and now that you go will, I know it was wrong be given you all of my, all of my heart.
This is my angry song to you
I wrote this anthem just to proove
That I was bleeding and I was screaming
but now I'm stronger than before
This is my angry song to you
These words are all I have to lose
better believe in
'cuz now I'm leaving
and I ain't coming back to you
This is my angry song to you
I wrote this anthem just to proove
That I was bleeding and I was screaming
but now I'm stronger than before
This is my angry song to you
These words are all I have to lose
better believe in
'cuz now I'm leaving
and I ain't coming back to you
Art of Letting Go
Art of Letting Go
To all of you who was hurt, still hurting or who've hurt someone, or who has moved on, let all these experiences create new opportunities for your personal growth. There is definitely a season for everything.
letting go also for letting go your anger............
To all of you who was hurt, still hurting or who've hurt someone, or who has moved on, let all these experiences create new opportunities for your personal growth. There is definitely a season for everything.
letting go also for letting go your anger............
Thursday, 10 September 2009
everyone gets mad
everyone gets mad....
I get mad. You get mad. Your Mom gets mad. Your Dad gets mad. Hey, even God gets mad. Let’s face it, at one time or another EVERYBODY gets mad! Anger is a normal human emotion and it is the way that your subconscious mind releases mental and emotional pressure but sometimes this normal psychological function can run amok and lead you astray. Getting angry is normal, letting anger get the best of you is not. So how do you know if your anger is getting out of control and what can you do about it if you’re raging? Surprisingly enough recognizing and managing anger is relatively easy, here’s how!
Your anger is out of control if…
* you find yourself getting angry at everything that inconveniences you, annoys you or otherwise gets in the way of what you want to be doing,
* it leads you to act out aggressively or violently as in yelling, ranting, hitting, shoving or plotting revenge,
* it consumes you long after the event has passed, if you dwell on the things that make you angry then you’re in trouble because normal anger is only a temporary emotional response to unsettling eternal stimuli,
* things that didn’t used to make you angry are suddenly major issues worthy of a rant, this does not apply to times when you have suppressed normal anger only to times that anger really isn’t merited, for example when somebody gets a higher grade than you or when a person is taking too long in the bathroom,
* you find yourself doing self destructive things to cope with your angry feelings, such as reckless driving, hazardous recreational activities, physical fighting, drugs and alcohol or, unsafe or random sexual activity.
You can manage that anger by…
* recognizing the difference between an annoyance or inconvenience and a bona fide reason to get mad - somebody hurting you, hurting somebody you care for or damaging your property are all good reasons to get mad; somebody “disrespecting” you, getting in your way, slowing you down, being luckier than you, or doing something better than you do it are not reasonable causes of anger,
* taking a deep breath, stepping away from the situation and asking yourself “Why am I really mad?”, often people misdirect anger caused by a valid yet bigger issue on to everyday annoyances and inconveniences,
* know your triggers, if there are certain things that you know bother you or that you can’t accept know what they are, take steps to avoid them, and play out an appropriate reaction in your head when you're feeling calm to train your mind to react that way when the problem arises in real life,
* plan your time wisely, one of the most common anger stressors is poor time management, when you’re in a rush and something slows you down even more you are very likely to react in anger, the simplest way to avoid this is to exercise effective time management,
* exercising regularly, it’s true that exercise is an excellent way to de-stress body and mind, people who exercise regularly are less likely to overreact to annoyances and inconveniences,
* talk it out, reacting in anger often causes the reasoning center of the brain to shut off for a time and the way you can turn it back on is to talk rather than act out when anger takes hold, it may sound crazy but taking a few minutes to gather your thoughts and speaking them out loud can do wonders to diffuse an angry situation.
by Jessica Stevenson
I get mad. You get mad. Your Mom gets mad. Your Dad gets mad. Hey, even God gets mad. Let’s face it, at one time or another EVERYBODY gets mad! Anger is a normal human emotion and it is the way that your subconscious mind releases mental and emotional pressure but sometimes this normal psychological function can run amok and lead you astray. Getting angry is normal, letting anger get the best of you is not. So how do you know if your anger is getting out of control and what can you do about it if you’re raging? Surprisingly enough recognizing and managing anger is relatively easy, here’s how!
Your anger is out of control if…
* you find yourself getting angry at everything that inconveniences you, annoys you or otherwise gets in the way of what you want to be doing,
* it leads you to act out aggressively or violently as in yelling, ranting, hitting, shoving or plotting revenge,
* it consumes you long after the event has passed, if you dwell on the things that make you angry then you’re in trouble because normal anger is only a temporary emotional response to unsettling eternal stimuli,
* things that didn’t used to make you angry are suddenly major issues worthy of a rant, this does not apply to times when you have suppressed normal anger only to times that anger really isn’t merited, for example when somebody gets a higher grade than you or when a person is taking too long in the bathroom,
* you find yourself doing self destructive things to cope with your angry feelings, such as reckless driving, hazardous recreational activities, physical fighting, drugs and alcohol or, unsafe or random sexual activity.
You can manage that anger by…
* recognizing the difference between an annoyance or inconvenience and a bona fide reason to get mad - somebody hurting you, hurting somebody you care for or damaging your property are all good reasons to get mad; somebody “disrespecting” you, getting in your way, slowing you down, being luckier than you, or doing something better than you do it are not reasonable causes of anger,
* taking a deep breath, stepping away from the situation and asking yourself “Why am I really mad?”, often people misdirect anger caused by a valid yet bigger issue on to everyday annoyances and inconveniences,
* know your triggers, if there are certain things that you know bother you or that you can’t accept know what they are, take steps to avoid them, and play out an appropriate reaction in your head when you're feeling calm to train your mind to react that way when the problem arises in real life,
* plan your time wisely, one of the most common anger stressors is poor time management, when you’re in a rush and something slows you down even more you are very likely to react in anger, the simplest way to avoid this is to exercise effective time management,
* exercising regularly, it’s true that exercise is an excellent way to de-stress body and mind, people who exercise regularly are less likely to overreact to annoyances and inconveniences,
* talk it out, reacting in anger often causes the reasoning center of the brain to shut off for a time and the way you can turn it back on is to talk rather than act out when anger takes hold, it may sound crazy but taking a few minutes to gather your thoughts and speaking them out loud can do wonders to diffuse an angry situation.
by Jessica Stevenson
Sunday, 30 August 2009
Anger Management for Teenagers
Anger Management for Teenagers
Overview
Teenagers who do not have the skills to manage their anger are likely to cause trouble for themselves and those around them. They usually have problems at home and at school. They may end up having problems with the police. If teenagers lack the ability to keep cool and manage their interactions, they may experience social withdrawal, academic underachievement, bullying, fighting and suicidal behaviors. Anger management techniques can teach young people how to change their behavior and to change their lives for the better, and the same techniques can help parents know what to do when tempers flare.
The Facts
Anger happens when people feel that something or someone has violated them. It's a normal human reaction that may occur from time to time. Teenagers with anger management problems respond to real or supposed grievances in excessive ways. They may be intimidating or outrightly aggressive. They may be impulsive and lack self-control. Such teenagers often misinterpret social cues, overreacting in ways that are likely to cause damage to people or property. Often they feel their only choice is aggression.
Parent Involvement
Learning how to manage anger and how to make good choices requires commitment, practice and patience from teens, together with their parents. They can practice positive social strategies, work on problematic behaviors and pursue successful outcomes at home, at school and at large. There are quite a few structured anger management programs for children and teenagers (see Resources). These programs help parents develop their listening skills and encourage improvements in their teen's communication and cooperation.
Techniques & Skills
Most anger management programs have several components: Social skills training encourages appropriate behavior in social situations. Coping skills training gets teenagers to explore effective ways to deal with anger and frustration. Problem-solving skills training helps teens learn to assess situations and to make good choices. Cognitive skills training helps identify patterns of relating, thinking and behaving that help or hinder, and how to make changes based on those patterns. Relaxation training teaches how to relax and let go of angry feelings.
Warning Signs
Many teens and families are able to work things out on their own, but some may need added supervision and support. If your teen seems to be angry most of the time, seems to have problems getting along with many different people and in many different settings, or is physically or verbally abusive, contact your local mental health professionals for further help. Other red flags you may notice include frequent fighting, cruelty to animals, property damage, using drugs and alcohol, strong interest in guns or other weapons, and gang affiliations.
Benefits
While not every teen has serious problems with anger, all teens benefit when they learn healthy ways to deal with their emotions. They gain increased self-awareness, better self-control, greater confidence and competence, and empathy and acceptance for themselves and others.
Anger Management for Teenagers
Overview
Teenagers who do not have the skills to manage their anger are likely to cause trouble for themselves and those around them. They usually have problems at home and at school. They may end up having problems with the police. If teenagers lack the ability to keep cool and manage their interactions, they may experience social withdrawal, academic underachievement, bullying, fighting and suicidal behaviors. Anger management techniques can teach young people how to change their behavior and to change their lives for the better, and the same techniques can help parents know what to do when tempers flare.
The Facts
Anger happens when people feel that something or someone has violated them. It's a normal human reaction that may occur from time to time. Teenagers with anger management problems respond to real or supposed grievances in excessive ways. They may be intimidating or outrightly aggressive. They may be impulsive and lack self-control. Such teenagers often misinterpret social cues, overreacting in ways that are likely to cause damage to people or property. Often they feel their only choice is aggression.
Parent Involvement
Learning how to manage anger and how to make good choices requires commitment, practice and patience from teens, together with their parents. They can practice positive social strategies, work on problematic behaviors and pursue successful outcomes at home, at school and at large. There are quite a few structured anger management programs for children and teenagers (see Resources). These programs help parents develop their listening skills and encourage improvements in their teen's communication and cooperation.
Techniques & Skills
Most anger management programs have several components: Social skills training encourages appropriate behavior in social situations. Coping skills training gets teenagers to explore effective ways to deal with anger and frustration. Problem-solving skills training helps teens learn to assess situations and to make good choices. Cognitive skills training helps identify patterns of relating, thinking and behaving that help or hinder, and how to make changes based on those patterns. Relaxation training teaches how to relax and let go of angry feelings.
Warning Signs
Many teens and families are able to work things out on their own, but some may need added supervision and support. If your teen seems to be angry most of the time, seems to have problems getting along with many different people and in many different settings, or is physically or verbally abusive, contact your local mental health professionals for further help. Other red flags you may notice include frequent fighting, cruelty to animals, property damage, using drugs and alcohol, strong interest in guns or other weapons, and gang affiliations.
Benefits
While not every teen has serious problems with anger, all teens benefit when they learn healthy ways to deal with their emotions. They gain increased self-awareness, better self-control, greater confidence and competence, and empathy and acceptance for themselves and others.
Anger Management for Teenagers
Friday, 14 August 2009
Anger Management Movie - Adam Sandler
My 'Anger Management Movie' - Now When Did YOU Last Get Angry?
Do you remember that movie called Anger Management starring Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler? Adam played the passive aggressive bullied-by-his-boss type and Jack played the anger management guru who ran anger management classes and whose job in the film it seems was to try and get Adam angry!
And boy did Jack succeed! There was the 'transvestite in the back of the cab' scene (played 'manfully' by Woody Harrelson), and Jack even got Adam to beat up a Buddhist monk!
So, the point of this article?
Well, I reckon we've all starred in our very own anger management movie or two - scenes where *we* completely lost it. And whilst I'd love to read all about your famous angry moment, I think instead I'll share with you one particular time that I got very, very angry - oops!
(Just to show that none of us can take anger management for granted!)
Okay, I was working in an IT department for a UK financial institution some time back in the 90s. My boss was one of those classic 'consultant'-types who didn't know enough to do the job but he still got paid as if he did. Unfortunately, in this particular case my boss wasn't good at hiding this fact (a skill most consultants quickly learn, if they are ever to progress)
So it comes to a crisis meeting, where we're all trying to work out what went wrong in a particular project and what we could do about it.
And the more the meeting's going along the more it's obvious that what needs to be done needs to be done by me. (To my horror!) But my boss doesn't seem to notice this; the meeting just goes on and on without my boss asking who can do the particular job. And the more the meeting goes on the more I resent the fact that this is something that I have to do, and that I have to tell my boss that this is something I have to do...
And so, for some reason that I really cannot remember, this sequence of events is enough for me to explode in a rage aimed directly at my boss. In full view of ten or so people, none of whom had *ever* seen me lose my temper once!
Oh, did I forget to tell you that I was a mild-mannered Adam Sandler type who never got angry?
Well I did that day! And a lot of people steered clear of me from that point on.
And the really funny thing about my anger management 'movie'? I really can't remember exactly why I got so angry, I just know that I did. And it was embarrassing. For all concerned.
Do you remember that movie called Anger Management starring Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler? Adam played the passive aggressive bullied-by-his-boss type and Jack played the anger management guru who ran anger management classes and whose job in the film it seems was to try and get Adam angry!
And boy did Jack succeed! There was the 'transvestite in the back of the cab' scene (played 'manfully' by Woody Harrelson), and Jack even got Adam to beat up a Buddhist monk!
So, the point of this article?
Well, I reckon we've all starred in our very own anger management movie or two - scenes where *we* completely lost it. And whilst I'd love to read all about your famous angry moment, I think instead I'll share with you one particular time that I got very, very angry - oops!
(Just to show that none of us can take anger management for granted!)
Okay, I was working in an IT department for a UK financial institution some time back in the 90s. My boss was one of those classic 'consultant'-types who didn't know enough to do the job but he still got paid as if he did. Unfortunately, in this particular case my boss wasn't good at hiding this fact (a skill most consultants quickly learn, if they are ever to progress)
So it comes to a crisis meeting, where we're all trying to work out what went wrong in a particular project and what we could do about it.
And the more the meeting's going along the more it's obvious that what needs to be done needs to be done by me. (To my horror!) But my boss doesn't seem to notice this; the meeting just goes on and on without my boss asking who can do the particular job. And the more the meeting goes on the more I resent the fact that this is something that I have to do, and that I have to tell my boss that this is something I have to do...
And so, for some reason that I really cannot remember, this sequence of events is enough for me to explode in a rage aimed directly at my boss. In full view of ten or so people, none of whom had *ever* seen me lose my temper once!
Oh, did I forget to tell you that I was a mild-mannered Adam Sandler type who never got angry?
Well I did that day! And a lot of people steered clear of me from that point on.
And the really funny thing about my anger management 'movie'? I really can't remember exactly why I got so angry, I just know that I did. And it was embarrassing. For all concerned.
Watching an anger management movie Anyone?
Since anger management seems to be a huge problem in society today, there have been many programs developed, books written, Internet websites created and anger management movies filmed. Although all of this help is in place an available for anyone, not all people with anger issues benefit from the same source. For some people attending an anger mangement program may be effective and cause major changes in their behaviour. Being able to steal away alone with a book may be helpful to a person with anger issues. Seeing their problems in print and being able to sort throught it in their mind might be a great anger management tool. The Internet is a great source regarding anger mangement and some may find it helpful to view the different sites and read stories about individuals with anger mangement issues. However for many people who have difficulties controlling their anger, watching an anger mangement movie might be what it takes to break them out of their pattern of angry outbursts.
Watching an anger management movie would make the individual actually see, with their own eyes and hear with their own ears, just what anger does to a person and those around them. An anger management movie would likely provide illustrations and situations where individuals act on their anger. The movie may apply exactly to an individual's current circumstance. It may hit home - so to speak. Watching the actors play out their life and their behaviour may be an eye-opener. It may take watching a husband abuse a child or wife, a mother attacking her kid, a child bullying another child, to realize that anger is a significant problem.
When an angry person is in their situation, they are likely blaming it on whoever gets in the way. Being in the picture they are incapable of watching their performance. If given the chance to see it on the big screen, they might be surprised and even devestated by their actions. Watching an anger manageent movie would probably be like watching yourself in a similar situation. This may be the tool that works best for some individuals.
An anger management movie will not only give illustrations of the actual situations involving anger. The movie will likely provide information regarding anger management techniques. Using these techniques and the characters in the movie, likely there would be illustrations of people being introduced to anger management techniques and programs. The movie would explain the steps to dealing with anger issues. This type of anger mangement movie might be the answer to many people's problems. It would be fitting if the anger mangement movie showed the person in the same situation as the first scene, as a changed individual. Showing how the individual was able to receive help through anger management and turn their lives around, may just be the incentive needed.
No doubt there are all sorts of anger management movies available. The Internet is a great source of information regarding anger management and anger management resources such as books and anger mangagement movies. If you think you or someone you know would benefit from watching an anger management movie, it would be a wise idea to get your hands on one.
Watching an anger management movie would make the individual actually see, with their own eyes and hear with their own ears, just what anger does to a person and those around them. An anger management movie would likely provide illustrations and situations where individuals act on their anger. The movie may apply exactly to an individual's current circumstance. It may hit home - so to speak. Watching the actors play out their life and their behaviour may be an eye-opener. It may take watching a husband abuse a child or wife, a mother attacking her kid, a child bullying another child, to realize that anger is a significant problem.
When an angry person is in their situation, they are likely blaming it on whoever gets in the way. Being in the picture they are incapable of watching their performance. If given the chance to see it on the big screen, they might be surprised and even devestated by their actions. Watching an anger manageent movie would probably be like watching yourself in a similar situation. This may be the tool that works best for some individuals.
An anger management movie will not only give illustrations of the actual situations involving anger. The movie will likely provide information regarding anger management techniques. Using these techniques and the characters in the movie, likely there would be illustrations of people being introduced to anger management techniques and programs. The movie would explain the steps to dealing with anger issues. This type of anger mangement movie might be the answer to many people's problems. It would be fitting if the anger mangement movie showed the person in the same situation as the first scene, as a changed individual. Showing how the individual was able to receive help through anger management and turn their lives around, may just be the incentive needed.
No doubt there are all sorts of anger management movies available. The Internet is a great source of information regarding anger management and anger management resources such as books and anger mangagement movies. If you think you or someone you know would benefit from watching an anger management movie, it would be a wise idea to get your hands on one.
Anger management for teens - Help them
Anger management for teens
As a teen, it must be rather difficult to always be positive in every situation. Growing up in society today is challenging and teenagers are often compelled to be defensive. Teenagers are not usually compassionate individuals. They are constantly in competition and jealousy is a huge factor. The fight to always be number one is very common in the teenage world. It is unfortunate and sad since these years ought to be the best years of their lives. Teenage children are forced to grow up long before their time because of the daily challenges and obstacles they are faced with. Some young people can handle adversity very well while others are quick to build a defensive wall. When faced with confrontation, many teens
lash out and become reckless, often to the point of violence and nowadays, death.
Developing an anger management
plan for teens could be difficult since teens are quick to resist advice and not always compliant with instructions. In order for anger management for teens to be successful, a program must be designed that will reach the targeted teen without being overbearing. Convincing a teenager that they have behavioral issues which need attention may be a challenge but it is essential to make them understand the importance of making a change.
If anger is not controlled, it can control the life of the individual affected. This is unfortunate in any life including that of a teenager. Teenagers with anger issues tend to yell and scream, say hurtful things, punch walls, push other people around and even hurt themselves. It may be difficult but important to convince these teenagers that everyone can change. With effective anger management for teens, they can be a success. They can make positive changes in their lives which will ultimately make their life easier and more enjoyable. Learning to control their anger is definitely a positive change.
Anger management for teens should teach teenagers to be self-aware, to evaluate their feelings in an attempt to understand the reasons for their anger. They should also learn to practice self-control, to pause a few seconds and think about the repercussions of their reactions to situations. After thinking about their options regarding reactions, they are taught to make a choice, pick an option which will bring about effective results. After acting on their feelings, teenagers are taught through anger management for teens, to review their progress, see what the outcome of the choice was. These steps might be considered an effective lesson plan for anger management in teens. If using this plan each time they are confronted with irritating situations, eventually the teenager will be capable of dealing with confrontations much better.
Teenagers have their own minds with their likes and dislikes. Suggesting techniques like exercising, listening to music or journaling might be good anger management for teens. Success will only be achieved when the teenager is able to accept responsibility for their actions and realize they need to make changes. Using their likes as distractions may be a good tool in anger management. These may be techniques which they are willing to try when they feel angry or threatened. Helping a teenager be successful in anger management may require hours of hard work and tears, but realizing that individual is being spared from a future of recklessness and avoidable challenges is worth every second.
Anger management for teens - Help them
As a teen, it must be rather difficult to always be positive in every situation. Growing up in society today is challenging and teenagers are often compelled to be defensive. Teenagers are not usually compassionate individuals. They are constantly in competition and jealousy is a huge factor. The fight to always be number one is very common in the teenage world. It is unfortunate and sad since these years ought to be the best years of their lives. Teenage children are forced to grow up long before their time because of the daily challenges and obstacles they are faced with. Some young people can handle adversity very well while others are quick to build a defensive wall. When faced with confrontation, many teens
lash out and become reckless, often to the point of violence and nowadays, death.
Developing an anger management
plan for teens could be difficult since teens are quick to resist advice and not always compliant with instructions. In order for anger management for teens to be successful, a program must be designed that will reach the targeted teen without being overbearing. Convincing a teenager that they have behavioral issues which need attention may be a challenge but it is essential to make them understand the importance of making a change.
If anger is not controlled, it can control the life of the individual affected. This is unfortunate in any life including that of a teenager. Teenagers with anger issues tend to yell and scream, say hurtful things, punch walls, push other people around and even hurt themselves. It may be difficult but important to convince these teenagers that everyone can change. With effective anger management for teens, they can be a success. They can make positive changes in their lives which will ultimately make their life easier and more enjoyable. Learning to control their anger is definitely a positive change.
Anger management for teens should teach teenagers to be self-aware, to evaluate their feelings in an attempt to understand the reasons for their anger. They should also learn to practice self-control, to pause a few seconds and think about the repercussions of their reactions to situations. After thinking about their options regarding reactions, they are taught to make a choice, pick an option which will bring about effective results. After acting on their feelings, teenagers are taught through anger management for teens, to review their progress, see what the outcome of the choice was. These steps might be considered an effective lesson plan for anger management in teens. If using this plan each time they are confronted with irritating situations, eventually the teenager will be capable of dealing with confrontations much better.
Teenagers have their own minds with their likes and dislikes. Suggesting techniques like exercising, listening to music or journaling might be good anger management for teens. Success will only be achieved when the teenager is able to accept responsibility for their actions and realize they need to make changes. Using their likes as distractions may be a good tool in anger management. These may be techniques which they are willing to try when they feel angry or threatened. Helping a teenager be successful in anger management may require hours of hard work and tears, but realizing that individual is being spared from a future of recklessness and avoidable challenges is worth every second.
Anger management for teens - Help them
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