What is Anger? Why do we get angry?

What is Anger? Why do we get angry?


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What is Anger? Why do we get angry?

Anger is a deluded mind that has its focus on an animated or unanimated object, feels it to be very unattractive, and exaggerates its bad qualities and wishes to cause harm. It is the most common destructive delusion, and afflicts our mind almost everyday.

Anger is a response to feelings of unhappiness, which in turn arise whenever we meet with unpleasant circumstances. Whenever we are prevented from fulfilling our wishes, or forced into a situation we dislike, or rather we are put into a situation we want to avoid- our mind reacts immediately feeling unhappy and discomforted. This uncomfortable feeling easily turns into anger.

Another important reason for our anger is that in our day to day life we face many situations which we do not like. Everyday we face situations like stubbing our toes, arguments with our peers, and even drastic situation like hearing bad news like our house being burnt down and even a death in our family. The most common reaction of a normal person is to feel unhappy and angry. We are not in total control of ourselves.

How does anger affect me?
Today, anger is viewed as an immature and uncivilized response to frustration, threat, violation or loss. Often, we express our anger in uncontrolled, violent outbursts. Sometimes, when required to give a response, we may fail to express our feeling due to anger, and we keep accumulating those bitter feelings. This can cause severe headaches to us because of tension, and we may on a happy occasion spoil the event with our outbursts.

Anger can spoil a relationship. Being close in any relationship for many years, there may not be peace and harmony throughout. There are bound to be clashes between personalities, priorities, interests and many other things. Being close for a long time, we know the other person’s shortcomings and it becomes very easy for us to criticize and get angry towards them. We begin to blame them for this uncomfortable situation. Showing temper too frequently makes any relation sour and bitter. And slowly the bond begins to break. Through anger and hatred, people can transform their closest of friends into their bitterest enemies.

Anger can cause mental health problems and depression. Angry people do not care of themselves, and may not eat properly, dress for the occasion or work sincerely. They also indulge in self-destructive activities.

How to deal with anger?
It is impossible to fulfill all our desires and to stop unwanted things happening to us. Hence it becomes a necessity to find a way to avoid getting angry.

Psychologists recommend a balanced approach when dealing with anger. This controls your emotions, and allows you to express your feelings in a healthy and less harmful way.

Anger Management Techniques
Here are some simple techniques that can be implemented very easily. Whenever you get into a situation of controlling your anger, just use these tips.

1. Try to calm yourself. Ask yourself, "How will this behavior be of any use to me?"
2. If something happens, and prompts you to get angry, think of the consequences of your angry response. After thinking, you will not act much fiercely, even if a little anger remains.
3. If someone harms you by wrongful deeds, just ask yourself if he did it on purpose. Most often, you’ll find that he had no intentions of causing harm to you.
4. When your anger seems to be raising, just count 1-10, and meanwhile think if your expression of anger will make the situation better. If you want to say something that may make the situation worse, it’s better not to say it.
5. While in anger, thinking about your loved ones and your happiest moments is difficult but it helps to calm down to a great extent. Before trying to calm the situations, calming yourself is the key to handle the tense situation. In any event, it is not a good thing to vent your anger.

Tips to control anger
1. Count to 10 before reacting or leave the situation all together,
2. Do some physically exerting activities like a walk, swim, etc,
3. Soothe yourself, by practicing deep-breathing exercises, visualizing relaxing scenes, listening to music, yoga or read something of your interest.
4. It is very important to express anger as soon as possible. Never be stewed. If you cannot speak to the person who angered you, speak to some trusted person and let your emotions flow.
5. Think carefully before you say anything. It is better not say any anything than to say something regretful,
6. Try to work out solutions with the person who made you angry.
7. void placing blames.
8. Don’t hold any grudges, and forgive the other person.
9. Try to defuse your anger by using humor.
10. Keep an anger log to identify the kinds of situations that got you angry, and how you reacted.

If you are no good at practicing these, role-playing in anger management classes can help you following these.

By Jayashree Pakhare
Published: 4/25/2007