Angry, and can't calm down

I have had just one hell of a row with my partner, to which he just threw out that I'm a junkie. Yeah, yeah once a junkie, always a bloody junkie. I get it.

I went to the docter and told him that I'm on subutex and that I have trouble sleeping because I have sinusitus and bronchitus. He gives me antbiotics and stilnox with equanil to sleep. My partner goes to the pharmacy to get it and the pharmacist doesn't give him the stilnox and equanil. The pharmacist can't get through on the phone to the docter or the psy that prescribes me subutex, so no medecine.
Do pharmacists have all these rights. I am SO fed up of being treated like a junkie, why don't I go out and be one for good - then they may have something to say. Bloody docters, bloody pharmacists. I really am furious, and just don't care any more. I feel like taking all the pills in the house.


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Sounds like your in the same boat I'm in, but for different reasons. Wanting to give up and go back out. H*ll...I'm a drug addict...might as well feed the beast. I'm tired of feeling that way in every way, but the real deal.

My doctor has also refused me what I thought was much needed medication for pain when I hurt my leg back before Christmas. Of course, he treated me like an addict...because I am. In the States - the docs react the same. He doesn't want to give me something he thinks will put me back into a place I don't come back from. He's concerned - honestly concerned. We have a very good relationship. I'm very honest with him to begin with. He's also a recovering addict.

Getting angry with the doctors more than raises red flags when it comes to narcotics. Why does the patient get so angry? Because they want the drugs that will alter the mood - alter the mind. I specifically ask for everything else FIRST as far as meds go before going with a narcotic. When I was going through withdrawals I was given NOTHING to sleep. He made the experience as miserable for me as possible. Fortunately, the effect it had on me was positive. I never wanted to go through that again. It could have easily gone the other way. If he's not going to help...then I'll help myself, but I really wanted to stop doing drugs more than I wanted to go back out back then.

Anger is just a symptom of your disease. Don't let it eat your lunch. It's attacking right now because IT wants the drugs. Here I am one to talk right now because I'm trying very hard not to go back out, but don't let the b@stard take over. If you're in a 12-Step program - read some literature. If you're not in a program - I strongly suggest you find one, go to a meeting and dig in.
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Every life has a measure of sorrow, and sometimes this is what awakens us. - Steven Tyler



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Just try to calm down and don't let it ruin your recovery. Do some breathing exersizes. I was on the same meds the last time I detoxed and I know you need them. If it makes you feel any better, your in a lot better position than me; im shaking so badly that im typing with one finger and the delete key is my new best friend.

Breath in Breath out. And keep calling the pharmasy and doctors and bugging them. They might get so annoyed they'll just give in; suprisingly that has worked for me. Just don't yell at them because it will backfire; id start crying.




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In regards to the pharmacist calling, honestly, I would respect any pharmacist who cares enough about you to do that. I am on Methadone and I know there are many meds that if taken with Methadone can cause some very bad side effects as I imagine could be the case with Subutex.

Some meds can actually strip the Methadone out of someone's system if taken together. I have a friend who went through her entire pregnancy on Methadone, was closely monitored by her Doctor as well as the Methadone Clinic. She had been honest with everyone about being in Recovery. Her regular doctor wasn't on call the evening she went into labor. She had to have an emergency C-section and all went well but after the epidural wore off, naturally she needed something for pain. I was right there when she reminded the on call doctor that she didn't want any opiates, that she was on Methadone and in Recovery. The doctor on call wasn't too familiar with what meds cannot be mixed with Methadone and ordered this one particular med (I can't remember what it was called) to be given to her in her IV. I was in the Recovery Room with her and within a few minutes of getting this shot, she went into full blown drug withdrawls! It was horrible, I felt so bad for her because she had been completely honest and reminded this doctor that she didn't want any narcotics and was on Methadone. Did he apologize for his error? Nope!

There could be an interaction that you aren't aware of so don't jump to conclusions. If not, perhaps the pharamcist is just concerned, knowing you are in Recovery. Sure, there are those who are on powertrips, but either way, don't let this guy cause you so much aggrevation that you end up picking up, is he really worth it? I know how it feels when you're sick with Broncitious, I get it often and sleep is desperately needed. But getting this p*ssed off or even relapsing sure isn't going to help you sleep.

It takes awhile before people begin to see the positive changes in our lives. I've been in Recovery 3 years and 9 months and still, there are those people who judge me for my former poor choices I made when I was using. I used to really be hurt by this, but it came out as anger. Then I realized that these people's opinions of me don't mean sh*t. If your partner continues to act like this and treats you this way, I'd shown him the door! You don't need it, you don't deserve it so don't tolerate it. Just keep on taking things One Day at A Time and remember, all of this shall pass. . . . as hard as it is to accept and realize right now.

God Bless,
Judy


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