I loose my patients and so does he...it Makes Me REALLY Angry

this is what happens to me this morning.......

=======================================

My son is 9, he is in fourth grade, last night was only our second night of homework and it ended in total frustration on both our parts. I asked him what he was surrposed to do with two of his assignments and he said he didnt know, I asked didnt your teacher tell you or explain to you what to do. He said no. But I emailed the teacher and as I expected she had explained it. She said he would rather play with his pencil or look around the room and do things his way. I am so frustrated and disappointed in myself because I get angry with him. I loose my patients and so does he, but I know it is because he is so like me.

Someone once told me not to pray for patients is that true, cause right now I need it alot!

any one have any good ideas on how I can get him to pay better attention in school.


----------------------------



I think first you need to try to figure out why he's not paying attention...and that's easier said than done, I know. For me, I was so bored. because I wasn't being challenged. Literally, I would doodle while the teacher was talking. I remember once the teacher (who noticed, for once) asked me to repeat what she'd said. I parroted it back like it was nothing new. She was so bewildered that I'd actually been able to focus on what she'd said while also focusing on the doodles. Anyway, long story short, I wasn't giving it my FULL attention because I was bored (but I wasn't in advanced placement classes because I wouldn't do my homework...for the same reason).

The other thing it could be is that he feels daunted and that's his coping mechanism.

Anyway, there are a plethora of other things it could be...I think you need to be a listening ear, and maybe have a conversation casually about it...see if he'll open up enough to actually tell you how he feels (I know, at that age they're so reticient...but if you listen long enough and patiently enough and assure them that you're not going to get mad kids that age often will take the opportunity). Or maybe if you talk to another adult your son's close to (a youth pastor? an uncle? someone else?) to see if they can weed out the answer...

If there doesn't seem to be a way to get him to open up, it may be time to sit down with the teacher about the issue (personally, I wouldn't tell him you're going to do this, if possible...whenever my parents told me that sort of thing I got defensive and would spend hours sweating about what they were talking about...I'm telling you, it stressed me SO much).

Some other things to watch for are:

- Does the teacher even seem willing to investigate the matter or are they just fed up? Maybe it's time for a class or school change if they're not willing to do that. But they may well be willing to help, so long as you act as a partner with them in this, and don't point fingers.

- Does he seem very tired a lot of the time? Maybe there's something going on with his sleep habits (waking because of nightmares? just not sleeping long enough?).

- How does he feel about the teacher? How does the teacher feel about him? I know a lot of kids will say they hate their teachers by virtue of them being teachers...but closely question why they feel this way and you may be able to discover what's really going on. Sometimes there are just personality differences that are hard for both to overcome...again, maybe a class change may help.


----------------

another answer


i sure remember those days - 3 straight years i had a battle most nights with my son. i've heard most parents say they dreaded the summer vacation. for me, it was the opposite. i tried everything. the last thing i did was to make him stay at the table until he finished the homework. he literally sat there from the time he got home from school until time for bed. nothing would move him to make him do the homework.

long story short, he still graduated high school on time. some kids don't need homework is all i can guess. unless he's failing, i wouldn't make a big deal out of it. if he is, i would recommend a tutor or at least another helper besides you. i assure you, the frustration is not worth it.


--------------


I am not big on testing a child, but I have to ask, has he been tested to see how he learns best? I could not learn in a classroom setting, acting the same way your son is acting. I learned best by hands on. That is why I did lousy in English ... no way to have a hands on in English. Is there a way to make the lessons more interesting to him? You did not mention the subject, so I can not give specific examples to my suggestion.

As for the anger ... been there. My youngest son was a class clown. Failed the 8th grade twice and quit school at 16. He is not stupid, by any means. He was bored, did not learn will in a classroom (as I) and felt "stupid" because of this, which transformed into him being angry with anyone who wanted to help. I eventually had to find someone else to assist him. I later found out that he was embarrassed that he did not know the subject. It was me that he was embarrassed toward.

There is not easy answer. It is a process to find out why. Start with the guidance counselors at school to see if it is, in fact, how he learns best that is the issue.










====


Anger Management Why it Makes Me REALLY Angry




anger management and why it makes me angry. I just think the whole concept of anger management implies that anger is bad, anger is wrong, and in fact underneath that is that all emotions are bad and all emotions are wrong. I think the point about anger management, the point about dealing with anger is actually anger needs to be expressed, but it needs to expressed properly, appropriately, and in a way that's not going to hurt people. so try to find a person you can express that with, or a place you can express that. and maybe it's working it out at the gym, or maybe it's talking to a men's group or women's group about it. find some way that you can express your anger rather than try to bottle up your anger.