Teens Anger Management - Control your anger

Teens Anger Management - Control your anger


Anger Management - 10 Top Tips to Put You Back in Control of Your Temper!

By Adrianne Morris Platinum Quality Author



Anger wells up within us whenever we perceive that we have been wronged, but how we deal with the situation will determine whether the problem escalates or is resolved. Here are 10 ways to resolve a toxic situation:

As you work through them, don't just read them but consider to what extent each one applies to you and the situations you find yourself in. Try to focus on each tip one at a time, maybe recalling the current one each time an angry situation threatens - in this way each one will become a habit!

1. Take a deep breath ... wait... take a few more...
Breathing calms the body, and by reducing the physical signs of anger, calms the mind. When something has angered you, rather than erupting spontaneously, or sending off an angry letter or email, breathe deeply and then exhale - and the exhalation should be longer and more complete then the in-breath (say, in for seven seconds and out for ten). Repeat this several times and continue until you're physically calm. Only then should you express yourself verbally. If you cannot calm down, consider what benefit you are trying to get out of the situation, and take measured, considered action which does not include ranting or sending an invective-filled or vitriolic email or letter which can only inflame and worsen the already fraught state of affairs. Consider, most importantly, what you want the ultimate outcome to be?

2. Don't deny your anger...........but consider the consequences
Anger should not be suppressed. Storing anger only builds to a more explosive eruption later. It's best to "use it and lose it" - i.e. let go of the anger, NOT lose your temper. Anger can be used appropriately or inappropriately. It is appropriate when you use it to achieve a desired outcome. It is inappropriate when the anger uses you, takes over and brings about an unconsidered and unwanted outcome. Think about poor service on an airline: don't explode at the hostess - ranting and raving will just annoy other passengers and may just get you barred from using that airline in future - rather call the senior purser and voice your complaint in a measured way and you are likely to be offered a better meal, an upgrade, or maybe even air-miles. I'm speaking from very recent personal experience, by the way!

3. Eat properly .... and drink sensibly
Healthy but not excessive eating, drinking lots of water, avoiding enjoying tea, coffee and alcohol but not in excess are all sensible responses to irrational emotion or tiredness. They may also prevent and control stress headaches. We all know people who are so much the worse for wear when alcohol kicks in - know your limits and endavour to stick to the level just before you become an aggressive and unpleasant drunk.

4. Recognise tiredness and stress
One of the most common places we recognise that we are tired and/or stressed is in a car. This is where most arguments between spouses or companions occur. The trigger may be not following the best route, heavy traffic or the poor control of another driver. The consequences of losing your temper may be an insufferable journey or, worse, an accident. You might injure someone, kill or be killed. Rather breathe deeply and wait. Above all, do not drive when tired. You might want to make a conscious decision to let the driver be in charge and be determined not to "back seat drive" or be a "prat nav"!

Tiredness and stress are equally damaging at work and at home. Rather than get embroiled in a major argument, say you are upset and walk away. Again, you're learning to recognise which buttons of yours will cause you to react angrily - once you know your triggers, you're well on the way to controlling yourself and your temper.

5. Control your environment
As anger specialist Mike Fisher* says, " Anger thrives in a toxic environment, feeding on itself. If you manage to stay calm at work or in a car, other people will be less stressed and angry, which will in turn help you to control your own anger". If need be, take time out and remove yourself from the place of the dispute temporarily. Step outside for some fresh air if at all possible or employ some other kind of diversionary tactic.

6. Anger as a justified response to wrong-doing should be proportionate
There are times and situations when it is completely appropriate to be angry, but when for example, one goes into a rant because one of your employees has dropped and smashed a glass, this is disproportionate. On the other hand, becoming apoplectic at the breakage of a valuable antique vase is by no means unjustified! However, it won't help the person responsible who will, assuredly, be feeling pretty bad with no help from you.

7. Focus on the issue rather than on the person
When we are angry it is easy to use terms like "you always get things wrong when you speak to clients", but this tends to bring about a response like "no, I don't always, just in this case, but you always say always!!" Focusing on the issue, like: " Mrs Jones was upset - do you think you could have handled her in a different way?" will produce a very different and less emotional response. Do try not to generalise if you must vent your anger.

8. Get help
If you are in a persistently stressed and angry state to the detriment of your health, wellbeing, and relationships with others, it is really sensible to seek help from a doctor, therapist or coach. Help may come in the form of advice, medication or suggestion for life-style change, but someone else is far more likely to see the bigger picture. Just taking that first step to get yourself some help, will be a positive move.

9. Join a support group
Examples would be The British Association of Anger Management or Alcoholics Anonymous, or your place of worship - one's church, mosque or synagogue. Joining a meditation, yoga or tai-chi group often provides a nurturing community for dealing with lower-level stress.

10. Take responsibility
A problem may be caused by another person, or situation, but until you recognise that the greater problem of your excessive response to a negative situation rests with you rather than with others, you are unlikely to improve the situation. As soon as you start to blame others, focus on your own errors or misconceptions that have clouded the picture, and accept responsibility. This is especially valid if your angry outburst has exacerbated the situation.

It's in your mind and in your hands!

*Recommended reading: 'Beating Anger' by Mike Fisher, director of The British Association of Anger Management

For anger management sessions on a 1:1 basis with Adrianne Morris please make contact through my website http://alplifecoach.com or call 07956 514714 for further details and a half hour "taster" session.

Visit the website to see more articles like this one on stress management, redundncy, improved relationships by Adrianne Morris, Success Coach. http://alplifecoach.com or call Adrianne for a half hour "coffee" over the phone and a chat about how she can help you significantly raise your game -
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