How to deal with children expressing anger
by Isobel J
Anger is a healthy emotion. It signals to a person that something is wrong and that action needs to be taken. Anger can be a motivating force to help people get their needs met. But, anger can also go awry. Depending on how it is expressed (or if it fails to be expressed), anger can be a healthy feeling that helps people move along in the growth process or a destructive force that causes major problems for a person.
When children express their anger, it can be a little scary for parents. When your two year old discovers the power of the word “no” and learns how to protest, perhaps even to the point of having a full-blown, down on the floor, kicking and screaming temper tantrum, it can be a little confusing as to how to deal with that anger.
When a child gets angry, it is a good idea to be empathic. Express to the child that you understand that he is feeling upset and perhaps even hurt. Often, if a full-blown tantrum has not yet erupted, being empathic can defuse the anger because the child feels understood, accepted and comforted. Denying the anger or telling the child that there is no reason to be angry will only make things worse. The child is likely to continue protesting and getting more worked up, trying his best to be heard and understood. Hearing and understanding him can help calm his distress.
Some kids are more sensitive to disappointment or hurt feelings, which then develop into anger. Being empathic may do nothing to help with the intensity of your child’s anger. In this case, ground rules have to be set up. You must make it clear to the child that it is ok to be upset, and it is even ok to tantrum, but it is not ok to break things in the house or hurt other people. You should allow kids to get angry but also should expect them to be able to control their anger so that it does not become damaging. This lesson will sometimes need to be taught through experience and consequence, meaning that if a child breaks something in the heat of anger, it must be worked out that she will either fix it or pay in some way to have it repaired or replaced, either through doing chores or forfeiting allowance. This teaches children to be responsible for their own actions and to experience the consequences of these actions. If she hurts another person, she should be encouraged to ask the person what she can do to make it better.
Anger in one’s children can be off-putting. A parent may be intimately familiar with anger, either experiencing difficulty controlling one’s own anger or having experiences with one’s own parent having anger issues. Or perhaps, a parent may have had the experience as children of never being allowed to express his or her anger, causing the anger to go underground and be buried. Having difficulty, as parents, of healthily expressing our anger leads us to have problems helping our kids healthily express theirs.
Typically, with consistency, support and clear behavioral expectations, children will learn how to cope with and healthily express their anger. If these things don’t have an effect, it may be necessary to seek professional help.
http://www.helium.com/items/1837675-dealing-with-childrens-anger
No comments:
Post a Comment